⠀—𝐒

(  his  voice  trembles,  his  heart  pounding  with  all  these  emotions  he  thought  he’d  bottled  up  long  ago.  there’s  no  fighting  the  tears  sliding  down  his  face. )  because  if  it’s  your  fault  then  it  means  it  was  my  fault  too  when  i  lost  my  baby,  i  know  that  not  true.  it  can’t  be  because  i  loved  her  more  than  life  itself.  i  would  have  rather  die  than  have  let  anything  happen  to her,  so  you  look  me  in  face  and  tell  me  you  wouldn’t  have  done  the  same  for  your  baby.  i  fucking  dare  you.

@winqed 
            
            (  this  time  he  cant  stop  himself,  finding  himself  in  front  of  keigo  before  he  even  realizes  as  his  hands  find  theirs. )  keigo  takami  if  i  have  to  tell  you  to  shut  up  one  more  time  -  i..  i’m  not  even  going  to  lie  i   was  actually  pretty  jealous  of  you.  ( his  grip tightens,  fighting  back  his  own  tears,  the  anger   and  the  guilt,  and  the  concern  that  swirling  around  his  chest  that  just  made  him  /hurt/  because  he  should  have  been  there  for  them  -  he  takes  a  deep  breath  and  steadies  himself  and  looks  keigo  in  the  eye  with  all  fortitude  he  could  muster.  )  despite  what  may  have  happened  you  two  definitely  had  something  really  special.  so  when  you  guys  announced  the  engagement  and  then  the  baby!!  i  was  so  so  happy  for  you  like  you  could  never  believe,  but  -  (  he  hesitates,  looking  away  for  a  moment  before  meeting  their  eyes  sheepishly.  )  you  were  living  my  dream,  everything  i’d  ever  wanted  but  let’s  be  real,  our  relationship  started  with  him  paying  me  to  fuck  him.  that  was  only  asking  for  trouble. and  i  never  and  i  mean  never  would  have  wanted  to  come  between  you  two.  even  if  it  was  unfounded  worries  i  would  have  rather  remove  myself  from  the  entire  equation  then  risk  our  friendship.  i  know  you  loved  him  more  than  anything  and  that  in  itself  tells  me  all  i  need  to  know.  so  trust  me,  please,  when  i  say  this  is  not  your  fault.  you  can’t  just  -  something  like  that?  where,  where  you  lose  your  child  like  that?  it  wasn’t  something  you  could  have  helped  or  i  know  you  would  have  done  everything  in  your  power  to  stop  it.  i  know  it’s  not  your  fault,  because - 

i  wouldn't  have  minded  you  staying  with  him,  even  if  we  were  going  to  get  married,   i  just—     you  guys  were  close,  that  didn't  bother  me.  even  with  a  baby  i  still  came  and  told  you,  not  once  did  i  tell  you  that  you  had  to  leave  him  but  /  fuck.  /   you  ever  think  maybe  he  should've  been  yours  in  the  first  place?   i  think  about  him  bashing  me  for  working  too  much  or  dedicating  too  much  of  my  time  to  hero  work  but  that's  what  i  was  trained  to  do,  and  he  expected  me  to  just  drop  that  and  be  at  his  every  fucking  beck  and  call   just  because  that's  what  he  wanted.   just  because  it  was  something  he  hated  he  expected  me  to  just  forget  about  it  just  like  that—   but  maybe  i  was  capable  of  that,  maybe  he  was  right  and  maybe  because  i  didn't  listen  i'm  facing  the  consequences  of  that  and.   (   anxiously  scratching,   tugging  at  clothing,   in  fear  of  being  vulnerable  like  this  in  front  of  other  people  this  is  exactly  why  he'd  ran.  instead  of  searching  for  help.  )   in  what  way  is this  /  not  /  my  fault? 

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            shut / up / you fucking asshole . stop apologizing . please . this isn’t fair . i just wanted — why'd you have to go and mess everything up ? ( fuck , it's amazing he'd been able to stave them off this long but there's no stopping the tears building in his eyes once they start . there's literally nothing , / nothing / he hates more than crying . crying because he couldn't the build up of emotions anymore and there was no other way of letting them off . he wanted to leave before this point . before the tears , and emotions , and this big , fool responsible for it all . a sniffle before he's drawing back , only so he could wipe his own tears , the warble to his voice  the only indication of — something . he's not even sure anymore . ) you're not fine . i'm not fine . / nobody / is fine and it's not fair !

( they  can't  help  but  lean  into  his  touch.   the  tears  have  slowed,   but  haven't  completely  stopped  and  hisaya  can't  find  themself  truly  enjoying  this.  there's  still  panic,   that  he'll  leave  the  moment  they  appear  / fine /.   there's  worry  that  he's  only  staying  out  of  pity.  )   i'm  fine,   silas.   i'm  sorry,   i   -   you  don't  need  to  stay  because  of  this.   i'm  sorry.

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            ( a noise of protest leaves him , stepping closer despite what they said , his hand reaching up and wiping the other side of their face . he half regretted wearing his gloves that day , the cloth barrier being the only thing separating them from being skin to skin . but mostly he was grateful , much too scared to know exactly what was going through their head knowing it'd most likely be his breaking point . )  you can't just expect me to walk away after seeing you / crying / . of course I'm going to worry , I'm not a complete asshole .

you  have  a  thing  for  this,   i'm  assuming?   ( their  thumb  is  tracing  light  circles  against  his  hip,   occasionally  dipping  beneath  the  hem  of  his  shirt  to  touch  bare  skin.   god,   they  adored  getting  to  touch  him.   their  tail  lightly  sways  back  and  forth  as  they  continue  speaking.  )    tell  me  what  you  want.   not  gonna  do  anything  until  i  hear  it.

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            me ? ( blinks , a slight tilt of his head at the question , offering a smile as his arms snake around their neck . ) nothing . enjoying the view . have i mentioned just how cute you look right now ? maybe even a little sexy if 'm being honest . ( shifts closer , thighs squeezing the leg between them as he let's a soft purr enter his voice , a pale imitation of the one that erupted from hisaya . ) i may not have the ears , but i think i can be a pretty good kitten for you ~ 

silas...   ( voice  is  low,   tone  holding  a  warning  lilt  to  it.   but  they  know  it's  not  serious,   that  it  won't  take  much  to  have  them  entirely  melting  beneath  him,   attitude  turned  to  mush.   for  now,   they  want  to  continue  acting  at  least  a  little  upset  that  this  had  happened  to  them.   the  extra  appendages  felt  a  little  foolish.   hands  raise,   settling  on  his  hips.  )   what  are  you  doing?   hm?

hah.   if  you  say  so.   (  tugging  him  down  onto  their  lap.  )

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            what do you mean , i always use my manners . 'm a good boy . 

oh,   sweet  thing.   look  at  you,   using  your  manners. 

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            ( huffs , a roll of his eyes as sinks back where he was curled up under a blanket, legs pulled to his chest and cheek pressed against his knee . ) go away . now I'm annoyed . 

(  a  little  kissy  noise,   lips curled  up  into  a  very  pleased  grin.  )   adore  you  too.

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            no you're not . but you're lucky I am . 

@winqed 
            
            thaaat's concerning . sure , but do I have to worry about people trying to kill me afterwards ? 

i  know  that  you  think  like  that  and   -   i’m  thankful  you  let  me  do  stuff  like  this,   silas.   i  really  am.   (  there’s  more  they  want  to  say,   but  they  know  better  than  to  try  pushing  their  luck  right  now.   instead  they  merely  press  a  little  kiss  to  the  tip  of  his  finger  before  they’re  completely  parting  from  him,   standing  up.  )   i’ll  be  back  soon,   okay?   (  another  little  kiss  to  his  forehead  and  they’re  gone,   disappearing  into  their  bathroom.  )

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            ya know , it kinda freaks me out when you get all domestic . sometimes i even want to run away . good things don't happen to me . ( his voice is quiet as he speaks , just barely a whisper yet it sounds so loud in the quiet room . maybe it's the lack of sleep, otherwise he'd never let himself talk about this — to show vulnerability . sex is one thing . sure that's pretty intimate , but / this / ? this fluff , soft bullshit . sometimes it makes his skin crawl , yet he always comes crawling back . a hand reaches out , touch feather light as he cups their cheek , thumb brushing against their lip . a matching smile meets them before it's shifting into a smirk . ) lucky for me you give good dick , hm ? go . laying around in  wait is one of my best qualities . 

i  have  some  of  those  fancy  bath salts  that  are  meant  to  help  your  muscles  or   -   whatever  weird  ass  claims  they  make  on  those  little  packets.  (  another  kiss  to  his  shoulder,   before  their  chin  props  up  on  him  and  they’re  offering  a  little  smile.  )   wait  in  bed  and  i’ll  go  run  it  for  you,   yeah?

@winqed 
            
            i mean sure if that makes you more comfortable. 

c — 
            can  we  not  continuously  point  it  out  .. 

@winqed 
            
            mm i noticed . you're already knocked up, not much more i could do. 

mm,   fine.   (  dipping  down  once  more,   this  time  properly  pressing  their  lips  to  his.  )

@PUTRIDUM 
            
            hiya. ( pouts. that was way too short. ) 500 yen. gimme a real one. 

hi.   (  leaning  down,   so  they  can  lightly  peck  his  lips.  )