ephemer4LL

I stg I use this Wattpad acc like twitter, and I’m just now posting something even though it’s been AGES but a few months ago Jiles commented on my YT vid I made for him and it’s so sweet that he still revisits it - it really does mean so much after all this time 
          
          I’m also obsessing over this new dude named Jason lmao. He’s a piercer and I have absolutely ZERO fucking clue if I’ll ever walk into the shop he works at again but I reeeally wanna. He’s so much older than me though but he seems kind and easy going. And the amount of times I’ve fantasized abt him is actually ridiculous smh 
          
          Oh and currently am experiencing my first ever adult crisis. I have to call this janky af corporate office abt my missing pay from a job I no longer work at (thankfully). Hopefully they pay what’s owed to me and that’ll be that. 
          
          
          Fall is here and I really want to start reading books again from Wattpad. Haven’t since like 2018  Definitely wanna rr Laced since it was re-uploaded by Izzy (I think it was Izzy) 
          
          
          Ok caio for now and I’ll update this thing god knows when xoxo 

Jiles is back on Twitter :) 
          
          I feel like I should move on. 
          From checking his twitter, admiring him, and thinking about him in general. 
          
          I don’t want to, he means too much. 
          It’s too soon. 
          
          We’re both getting older and I feel like the natural thing to do is to gently move on. 
          
          I really want to talk to him one last time. 
          
          ~
          
          
          
          
          
          
          

JILES IS VERIFIED ON SPOTIFY
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          (this post needs no other words apart from the glorious ones above) 
          

I checked twitter today and jiles’ account is gone. 
          I’ll check again tomorrow.
          If it remains saying “this account does not exist” and a new account of his w a different name never appears within a month, I’ll know he’s gone. 
          
          Knowing him was completely random. And for the first 4 months I learned most of what I know about him. He had a sister, a dog that passed away, lived in nowhere Indiana, was a Jehovah’s Witness, called his mom “mommy”, painted, had a hedgehog, and created home videos. Among other sweet and sincere details into his life. 
          
          He said he needs to focus on other things. 
          
          I just wish him the absolute best. 
          
          I doubt I’ll ever speak to him again, and it could be months till he’s back on Instagram/Twitter. Even longer till he shares a new song. 
          
          I’ll definitely look into getting an embroidered pillow of a horse galloping. 
          A pillow is soft, sensual, soothes, and provides solace. There’s nothing more intimate and true to remember you by. 
          
          Thank you for everything. 
          
          
          
          
          
          

Jiles released his album ‘Century Neet’ 
          As of right now my favorite song is:
          Kiddo Says Hi 
          I’m currently listening to cn for the second time :^) 
          He included lyrics to this album :) 
          There’s pain pain pain 
          But since I’m experiencing an abundant of pain too, this album harmoniously sits well with me. 
          I don’t know what this album means for me yet. 
          ‘I Fret’ meant hurt, in places joy, and longing.
          Maybe in a year I’ll know what Century Neet means. 
          
          I don’t know how I’ve gotten so lucky. 
          
          I’ve grown terrible with words, so in summary,
          
          When all governs me to move on, I’ll simply write a song~
          
          -a jittery neet 
          

How did I forget to update this thing?! 
          
          Jiles released a new song called “Sneezing on Carousels” from his upcoming album!!!!! 
          
          
          The title is filled with wanderlust, the song is enchanting, and I’m still slowly unraveling the  lyrics. But alas, attack attack attack! 
          
          -cn 
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          

UPDATE ;) 
          
          so jiles is in the process of making new music ALDJSKAJ ummm  MY HEART HURTS THANK U!!!! 
          
          He said that he’s deciding to take a different approach with the way he is writing his new music and IM F*CKING OVER THE MOON
          
          Honestly I feel like this could go either one of two ways:
          
          Like I could be so fjcking moved by his new music and actually spiral??  hahahaha and not know what to do with myself for months on end and just totally lose my sh*t  OR,,,
          
          I could not love his new music and as a result kind of lose interest in him. I’ll see him as the guy who initially made really nice songs but bc of this shift I become weary and cautious. And then that creates distance. And it’s like,,, what does this mean? For me?
          
          
          Like I’d HATE to compare his old music to his new music bc what inspires music are both thoughts and feelings. And thoughts and feelings are fluid and ever evolving. So it would be so dumb of me to judge his new music off of his old stuff bc he’s most likely in a different headspace. 
          So it makes sense that his new stuff would be different. 
          
          The thing that’s really eating at me is that with his first album I wasn’t having these feelings and thoughts bc I didn’t know who he was, nor was I in love w his music yet, so I never had to anticipate anything. But now he exists in my life and it’s REALLY FjCKING SCARY. Like I don’t want to ruin what I feel for his music. And if I don’t enjoy his new stuff, that’ll ruin it for me. Not completely, but it’ll change how I think and feel about him. And I don’t want that at all. 
          
          I’m just in a really weird place right now. Definitely kind of makes me think what kind of place he’s in.
          
          Things are heavy and gross and intense and I want to get out of this place. I don’t like it.
          
          I think he’s going to release his new music soon which means I won’t be in this place for long. 
          
          
          Nevertheless,
          
          Thank you 
          Thank you
          Thank you
          Thank you
          Thank you 
          
          -a person who frets as well :) 

AHHHHH CUS CUS CUS!!!
          
          I FORGOT TO POST THAT I RECEIVED THE LAB PARTNER PHONE CASE!! 
          
          :) It came in the mail on Tuesday and I walked to my mailbox which was approximately 1 mile there and back and anzjdajwja I was SO light headed as I was approaching the mailbox bc I live in Texas and the HEAT IS A NIGHTMARE haha and I’m glad I actually am still alive ;) I also took my dog with me for the walk and I’m glad he’s still alive too ::))
          
          
          THE PHONE CASE IS SO PRETTY AND WARMS MY HEART AND BODY AND I WAITED FOR IT FOR SO LONG AND I FINALLY HAVE IT IN MY LIFE AND IT JUST COMPLIMENTS MY DAY AND MY THOUGHTS SO WELL :) 
          
          I could say so much more about how it makes me feel and also about how strongly I have grown attached the the songs off of I Fret, but I won’t  ;)  
           
          
          Ok maybe I will sort of :D
          
          
          He’s amazing, his songs are amazing, and I couldn’t have asked for the universe to gift me the presence of his songs and of his whole being and his whole heart at a better time in my life. 
          So many things are shifting and overall just changing, I’m becoming more of an adult and trying to figure things out. And it’s nice to have songs that provide your head and heart with so much of everything :) 
          
          Thank you Lab Partner,
          
          Thank you
          Thank you 
          Thank you 
          Thank you        
          
          
          You’ve given me so much and I will never be able to show you my gratitude
          
          
          I will start with a Thank you, continue with a Thank you, and shower you with many more after that :) 
          
          

@my last comment 
          
          
          I JUST ADMIRE HIM SO MUCH OUCH MY HEART ♥️

I only ever post something when it’s about a musician I stan so here it fucking goes
          
          The band ‘Lab Partner’ is basically a one dude band and the guy behind the magic is hecking cool and holy shit his songs are so good! 
          
          His first album ‘I Fret’ consists of 18 songs that are ALL GOLD like literally there isn’t one that isn’t good ADJEDNWKS 
          
          Honestly I’m just waiting for him to release new music. 
          
          P.S if he ever made merch I’d literally buy ONE OF EVERY FUCKING THING LIKE EVEN FUCKING STICKERS AND I DESPISE STICKERS