Hello Everyone,
I don't know how many of you are reading this message. You can ignore it, but I had to say it somewhere. I can't say it on my real social media account, to any of my friends, or any of my family members, but I can say it here because you guys don't know me, and that's why I wouldn't feel pathetic for saying the things that are bothering me. Also, I can delete this message after a while, and maybe then I will feel better.
Well, I am tired. I am tired of being there for everyone and not finding anyone by my side at the end of the day. I am feeling so lonely these days, and still I can't call anyone and say things that keep bothering me the whole day. I have friends, and they are great, but I still feel this void in my heart, and these days, I am feeling like this is a part of my life.
I am just so done with the temporary people in my life, and so done with being someone temporary in everyone's life. For some reason, I can never be the priority permanently for like even six straight months. I don't know if I am the one who doesn't deserve anyone, who doesn't deserve the care and love.
Slowly and steadily, I have been losing people around me over the past three years, and now I have started to feel like this is how my life works. People come, they show care and love, and apparently, they leave without any notice period. I mean, give me some notice period so I can cope with it.
Recently, I have discovered something about myself, and by recently, I mean a year ago. So, the thing is that whenever something is bothering I run away. I just ran away for the time being, I do not feel myself again. I just disappear. It's my coping mechanism. I just avoid it for a few hours or days, and then I would be fine again. But the thing is that I am not able to do this too recently. I have lost the coping mechanism. I don't know what the future holds for me. But I am tired of always learning from the people when they leave. For a time, I want them to stay.
Aria