"Occasionally I hit someone with my car, so sue me.." 

"There's no need to call me sir, professor." 

''now boys, if i get one more owl- saying you've blown up an toilet-' "We haven't blown up a toilet yet.' "Thanks for the idea mom."

Harry potter really hates twilight..  Get it.. Cedric was played by the guy from twilight.. and he died.. 

"There's no post on Sundays."