@eritentan May I ask which is your first language, Japanese or English? Maybe neither?
As this question is a bit personal, let me share a few tidbits about myself. I grew up bilingual ( Hungarian/Romanian), I learned French as a child and later English. I ended up living in English speaking countries for most of my adult life . I did fall in love with Japanese culture as a teen when I first read Shogun by James Clavell. Now, in my twilight years I am trying to learn Japanese, which feels like a Sisyphean undertaking...