Little Miss Perfect

I’m literally going to kill myself - 

I have like no childhood memories and people say it’s a trauma response but like why do I only remember the really traumatic parts. Also I just can’t remember anything, my memories go and I just feel weird
          And sometimes I just feel non-human. Idk how to explain it

Haha I’ve got covid, this is the second time I’ve gotten it B)

AHHHH THE NEWEST EPISODE OF THE OWL HOUSE. I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT IT, NONE OF MY FRIENDS LIKE IT 

I’ve literally trapped my friends, I always annoy them all by saying they have crushes so they decided to say it back. Little did they know, I’m aromatic and don’t feel romantic attraction to anyone and never will. Literally there’s nothing they can say, they can’t say I want to hang anyone either cuz I’m acesexual. I’ve won, and they lost 
          
           Me | my friends
           1     |    0

Haha, I’m pretty sure the girl I always talk about has a crush. Every time I bring crushes up they get really defensive and their face goes really red. Today we were joking around with them saying they have a crush (like we always do) and then she hugged my and put her head on my shoulder then started to shake me. She keeps saying she doesn’t have a crush then acts like that. 
          
          They get so flustered and defensive it’s hilarious. And every time someone brings up my name, she covers her face (coincidence probably)

I used to wonder why I really liked being around my friend but I think today really helped me realise why I like them so much. Today I was in the sports hall with 200+ kids so it got really loud (loud noises and crowds are one of my triggers and it makes me panic a lot), I put my ear defenders on but it wasn’t enough. I was stimming, playing with fidget toys and rocking back and forth trying to block everything out until I felt someone hold my hand. She took my hand and put it in both her hands, I don’t know how but that calmed me down a bit. They know I go non-verbal sometimes so she was just talking to me while stroking my hand. She didn’t want me to reply, they just wanted me to calm down. At the end she sat really close to me and put my head on their shoulders while hugging me. I HATE physical contact but I would do anything to always be hugged by her 
          
          And that was when I realised how much I love her (platonically)
          
          
          P.S. my communication board will most likely be filled with me talking about them because I’m trying to get used to my feelings and this is the best,non harmful way I can do it :)
          
          
          P.S.S. Honestly I never realised how strong my feelings were for them 

Ok so like- I THINK I have a crush. Not a romantic one tho, a platonic one (if that’s possible) I’m currently freaking out rn. Literally rocking back and forth hitting my head. IVE NEVER FELT THIS BEFORE IM CONFUSED AND KINDA SCARED 

Can you be aromantic and a lesbian? Cuz like I don’t like Romantic relationships, never felt romantic feelings either but like I have platonic crushes? Like I really like that person but I just want to be their really good friend. Friends with benefits? Like I want to hug them  and hold their hand and be really close with them but I don’t want them to be my girlfriend/ partner. HELP

My friend keeps giving me can tabs and some of them have the middle piece intact, I don’t know if they know what that means