extrynsic

It’s time to explain. So Batty, Queenie, whatever is a not a character. I know we all portray ourselves differently online but ‘extrynsic’ is a real person. Me. And this person is a very sad type of person. I was manically depressed. The more I tried to help and comfort people only made things worse because I wasn’t doing the same to myself. I really do try to see the best in life, believe me when I say that. But that optimism is a desperate, clawing desire to survive; I don’t want to depressed. I never wanted to make anyone else to feel bad when they heard how I was doing. Because I’ve been there - I’ve been there and people have threatened suicide and my attempts to cheer them up never worked. Looking back on it, I realised that they needed professional help, and as a friend I wasn’t equipped for that. The pressure I put on myself to ‘save’ them wasn’t needed. Luckily, I did not loose anybody to suicide when I was thirteen. But I have been constantly surrounded by the romanticisation of mental health. My experience on this account wasn’t great in that retrospect.
          	
          	I do not want to relapse. The positivity and the terrifying anxiety and ocd that I live with has kept me alive. None are good, but I keep going. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t need to be the only support for your friends. Look after yourself firsr. It will be okay.
          	
          	I now have a little brother. I’m going to be fine. I have less panic attacks nowadays and I am in therapy. My time on this account has been brought to an end. Thank you for being my friend.

crimealley

@extrynsic 
          	  
          	  yes, it is. & it's certainly not worth risking your own mental health to save another person's. it's never easy trying to rescue anyone. but the only person you can save is yourself. I will always miss you too, batty. I do wish there was some way we can still communicate/ keep in contact with each other though. I do understand that the internet is a major risk factor on one's health. Even I find myself getting anxiety from this place, but the internet is the only place for me to communicate with my online friends. If I had known you & my friends irl, I probably wouldn't be on the internet as much. 
          	  
          	  You're welcome, I will miss you too, Batty. I hope things get better for you in the future & maybe you'll return back on the internet someday when you're in a better state of mind. Good luck & enjoy your holidays :)
• Reply

extrynsic

I’m sorry to have worried you. I do appreciate the concern and you are right in your regard. I am sorry I didn’t let on about how low had gotten during the course of last year as my depression told me that I would only be putting others through that pain. It’s impossible to try to save everybody. You can’t bring yourself down to lift someone up. I think I’m getting through. You were a good friend to me and I will miss the conversations and rp that we had. However I don’t think the internet is a good place for me anymore. 
          	  
          	  Thank you and I will miss you. Good luck in the future, I wish you all the best that you deservez
• Reply

crimealley

@extrynsic 
          	  
          	  But your message really helped though. That's something my friends were trying to explain to me. To look after myself first. That I don't need to be the only support for my friends. If they don't want to listen, then that's their loss. I grew weary of trying to have empathy for others & make the effort on helping them in their time of need, only for my message to be ignored & given lack of gratitude,  but I don't think I can always help everyone. I certainly cannot help a mentally ill person either. It's hard to help others when I can't even help myself.
• Reply

extrynsic

It’s time to explain. So Batty, Queenie, whatever is a not a character. I know we all portray ourselves differently online but ‘extrynsic’ is a real person. Me. And this person is a very sad type of person. I was manically depressed. The more I tried to help and comfort people only made things worse because I wasn’t doing the same to myself. I really do try to see the best in life, believe me when I say that. But that optimism is a desperate, clawing desire to survive; I don’t want to depressed. I never wanted to make anyone else to feel bad when they heard how I was doing. Because I’ve been there - I’ve been there and people have threatened suicide and my attempts to cheer them up never worked. Looking back on it, I realised that they needed professional help, and as a friend I wasn’t equipped for that. The pressure I put on myself to ‘save’ them wasn’t needed. Luckily, I did not loose anybody to suicide when I was thirteen. But I have been constantly surrounded by the romanticisation of mental health. My experience on this account wasn’t great in that retrospect.
          
          I do not want to relapse. The positivity and the terrifying anxiety and ocd that I live with has kept me alive. None are good, but I keep going. What I’m trying to say is that you don’t need to be the only support for your friends. Look after yourself firsr. It will be okay.
          
          I now have a little brother. I’m going to be fine. I have less panic attacks nowadays and I am in therapy. My time on this account has been brought to an end. Thank you for being my friend.

crimealley

@extrynsic 
            
            yes, it is. & it's certainly not worth risking your own mental health to save another person's. it's never easy trying to rescue anyone. but the only person you can save is yourself. I will always miss you too, batty. I do wish there was some way we can still communicate/ keep in contact with each other though. I do understand that the internet is a major risk factor on one's health. Even I find myself getting anxiety from this place, but the internet is the only place for me to communicate with my online friends. If I had known you & my friends irl, I probably wouldn't be on the internet as much. 
            
            You're welcome, I will miss you too, Batty. I hope things get better for you in the future & maybe you'll return back on the internet someday when you're in a better state of mind. Good luck & enjoy your holidays :)
• Reply

extrynsic

I’m sorry to have worried you. I do appreciate the concern and you are right in your regard. I am sorry I didn’t let on about how low had gotten during the course of last year as my depression told me that I would only be putting others through that pain. It’s impossible to try to save everybody. You can’t bring yourself down to lift someone up. I think I’m getting through. You were a good friend to me and I will miss the conversations and rp that we had. However I don’t think the internet is a good place for me anymore. 
            
            Thank you and I will miss you. Good luck in the future, I wish you all the best that you deservez
• Reply

crimealley

@extrynsic 
            
            But your message really helped though. That's something my friends were trying to explain to me. To look after myself first. That I don't need to be the only support for my friends. If they don't want to listen, then that's their loss. I grew weary of trying to have empathy for others & make the effort on helping them in their time of need, only for my message to be ignored & given lack of gratitude,  but I don't think I can always help everyone. I certainly cannot help a mentally ill person either. It's hard to help others when I can't even help myself.
• Reply

extrynsic

Wattpad’s glitch has brought me out of hibernation. Sorry to bother anyone with this message because let’s face it, it’ll probably come up in your notifs for no reason lol. But in case this account gets deleted, follow my backup @vecorss . I’m on my hiatus still due to mental health issues and exams, so I won’t be back til 2019 unless the circumstances change. I’ve moved on from my name ‘batty’ and coming back as ‘queenie’. Thank you for your patience, and see you soon!
          - Queenie