eyekon101
this message may be offensive
fuck fuck fuck I cant handle this its to much I was once bad thing away from a snap a crash out a relapse most likely I haven't told anyone about my sexuality I haven't really even told myself I feel empty and hollow like I've mentioned I haven't cried since October 18th and I feel like its all bubbling up and at some point I'm going to crack I'm going to cry scream and do something rash I relapsed yesterday and I feel I might do it again today and then I'll fall into that pattern where I do it every day and I'm so hypersexual its crazy my hormons are raging like I'm w3t all the time and sometimes it feels like I cant breath speak or anything I haven't been eating and the way I can sum it up is )the short film Manon released today where she is absolutely stunning and captivating )Not Bad without the ending anyway I really struggle sometimes to let myself cry and feel I wish I had someone to lean on and call mine but for now just a friend would be nice I've cvt so much that my arm sometimes feels weak and I have to take a break from writing or typing or anything I really should stop but I cant it doesn't even help that much I'm tired of carefully inspecting every inch of my body every flaw but I know I wont stop its only human I'm only human I thought of something today : I wont give you a bouquet of flowers because flowers without roots die but flowers with roots grow you have roots. something like that having a celebrity crush can be hard in manons new film she was crying I didn't like that I knew it had to be done because the film wouldn't be how it was if she didn't I just don't like seeing others in pain anyway its been a rough day and I probably will relapse but I don't care having feeling is wrong now its more of a pain then pleasure .
-pepper
