ꨄ☽𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚒☾♌︎

I have grown fond with the taste of wine, pour me up a nice cold glass of sweet red and suddenly I feel warm. Not a hint of care in my streams just pure freedom, this is how it's supposed to be. It helps motivate my brain, I'm working on two new books, stay tuned.

I'm writing again, for the past year my mental health has declined drastically, and I still feel like it's getting worse. Depression comes on the worse and most unexcepted days, I have battling it for some years now and each time it feels worse and worse. It hurts so much when the people you love notice and comment about anything of the sort, hurts to let them see you in your worse state of mind, watching how I let myself go. I try to keep myself consistent and active and not let my thoughts get to dark again, don't want to go into months of hiding and wearing the same Selena Quintanilla and huge orange locos shirt daily back in 2019. Crying myself to sleep hurts a lot.

Two years ago, I commented about the feeling of freedom.
          
          I can't remember the last time I felt free, but instead I been feeling trapped. My mind blanks out more than it should, my heart feels colder, often I feel my vision blacken, most days feels as if my world is completely upside down. 
          
          Sometimes when I close my eyes, I vision myself in the middle of foggy blue water floating mindlessly. I wish I could live there, hearing nothing but quietness and the sound of my lone heartbeat.
          
          I was afraid to be alone, I guess my fears were invalid because I still ended up by my lonesome. 
          
          My own reflection scares me, threaten to leave my side as well if I don't sulk in my own disguise, this fantasy that I built around myself and others. My own thoughts consume me at night eating me alive only sparing my numbed shell. 
          
          I constantly blame myself for all the faults that have been shown to me, screaming at conscious, biting my own tongue until it bleeds, letting myself being pulled and walked all over because deep down I feel like a selfish coward. I wish I could change the ugly monster I see in the mirror. Sometimes it feels like a nightmare.
          
          My wings are crooked and broken, eyes blinded by dead roses, limbs numbed and bruised, my mind is clouded and dark. 
          
          I wish for the old me because I can't handle the new me.

I feel so free
          
          just a couple months ago I was mentally and physically stuck—my old account tore and wore me down to the bone 
          
          now I’m here on my two other accounts feeling so good
          
          I still have my bad days but I try to push through I’m just glad to express myself on a new page 
          
          ♡

what’s good new main