⠀⠀★⠀.ᐣ⠀

   jon seemed to be proving his point with that wink,  the charm shooting straight to the bodyguard's heart as he grappled with the fact that this attention was all his.  it was new and exciting and a little bit insane,  as he let jon drop his forehead to his shoulder.  and,  because he also missed their hugs like jon had mentioned,  thomas put his arms around him in a tight and reassuring hold,  rubbing a hand up and down his side.  "well.  i guess you've had a while to think about it.  i just wasn't counting on you to be such a romantic."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE   <333 

He shook his head to him when he flipped the 'spotlights' back to him. In all honesty, he was tired of them— the spotlights—, and was more than happy to let someone as incredible as Tom to shine bright under them instead. So he grinned, again: "Only on the stage, but in life, that one is you," he retorted, winking to him. With all the exaggerated charm from the same romance film, but he meant every word! "I was thinking a lot of things, darling... the problem is that I don't know what to say first, so I just let the words choose for themselves," he chuckled, resting his forehead against his shoulder.
            
            
            // themm <33333

  it felt so good to ignore everything outside of this very room,  being able to watch as the mischief settled in jon's eyes and have such intimate moments that nobody else needed to worry about.  something that made him feel  *good*.  "there's no way you were thinking that the whole time.  you're full of it."  he heard the serious tone,  but it was even more mental to imagine that jon really thought it was the truth.  well,  whatever,  it was just  *flattering*.  "you're the rockstar here."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE   so cuuute  <333 

It wasn't hypocritical. Tom had his reasons, it wasn't because Jon didn't know said reasons, that it wasn't valid! He had every right to be private about his life, the musician wouldn't ever hold it against him (it may seem that he did, that he did hold it against him, once— but it wasn't true. It was all part of *that night*, that regretful night... where he used all and every weapon at hand, unfairly, to try and push him away— unjustifiably).
            "Yeah? Nice," he stood up, holding out a hand to help him up, too— and, also, as an invitation for him to come with him. "You coming?"

  his nodding felt frantic,  because of course he wanted to know jon better than those stupid magazines and articles did.  he wanted to know him personally,  to look him in the eyes and be trusted with things nobody else was.   it was hypocritical,  maybe,  to be so private,  but it just felt safer.  he wanted to let go of the guilt he'd been holding onto for so long now.  he wanted to let himself feel the light that jon made him see,  somehow.  "yeah."  he agreed,  before realising he'd turned into some sort of robot that could only give half-answers somewhere along the line.  "yes,  i like that idea."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

He felt like he could have fainted— at every word Tom spoke, he had to resist the urge of pinching himself to know if he was dreaming, because this felt way too surreal. All that fear both of them seemed to have been feeling, just to learn that they were, both, equally, madly in love for each other? This had to be a dream! ...Although, Jon knew it, his dreams weren't ever this good...
            He nodded to him, eventually, as if snapping back to reality— that would be a privilege. "I want you to know me, too. The real me," not whatever was written periodically on a generic tabloid. He brought Tom's hand up (the one he's been holding, all this time) and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. "Should we... get ourselves another bottle, have a few more drinks?" he thought that it could help them... to ease some of the tension that followed their confessions, perhaps—

   tom was getting a little too addicted to  *looking*  at him,  and it was getting embarrassing.  but once he let himself acknowledge how beautiful this musician was,  he had no idea how to make himself pay attention to anything else with the same focus.  no other sight compared to him,  so why waste his time?  yes,  he could google anything he wanted—  but that wasn't personal.  he wanted that part,  even if he didn't deserve it.  sure,  he got a little distracted by trailers and posters when he wasn't working if they had jon's face,  he was hilariously unsubtle when he was invited to watch the band practice and his eyes were on jon the whole time.  he was  *doomed*.  "yeah.  i mean—  cool,  yeah.  s'cool."  he nodded,  a little strongly,  before clearing his throat and trying to control himself a little.  "plenty of opportunity to learn anything you want to about me then.  i might even get to learn a thing or two about you,  huh?"  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

When he was steadied with that curious look, he almost went on a rambling on how he totally didn't have to say anything, if he didn't want to... his previous *fragile* courage was now gone and, thinking better about it, he totally shouldn't have asked that... but before he had a chance of apologizing, and dismissing himself, the bodyguard began to answer him... and he couldn't help but listen intently, because damn! He absolutely adored him, and just wanted a chance of hearing more about him! It wasn't like he could just go ahead and *Google* him, like Tom could do him, and he was at a *disadvantage* here, alright?! ...Although probably more than a half of the things he could found online about the musician was wrong... it doesn't matter. He was just trying to be dramatic and funny in his head as to prevent himself from freaking out! And... hell, the more he listened, the more he melted... "Really? I... I'd love that. For real."

   when he heard the question,  he steadied him with a curious look as if he wanted to ask  'why'.  but that'd be a stupid question,  and instead the stunt man was trying very hard to think of something that wasn't  'you don't know how much i like you'.  that probably isn't the kind of thing jon was talking about.  "that's a difficult question."  he laughed with a little embarrassment,  feeling like he was so boring and uninteresting that he had nothing to say.  he didn't want to talk about his family,  he didn't want to talk about his adoration for jon.  was there anything to him outside of that?  "fuck,  man,  i dunno.  i used to cook for groups of people and i kinda miss that,  i guess?  at a push?  i'd always get really stressed out and it'd piss me off but then that meant everyone had to compliment me for the rest of the evening to make up for it."  he joked,  trying to not make it obvious that this wasn't the first thing he wanted to share.  "i could cook for you.  just you and me.  off the clock.  sometime.  if you wanted."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

   "yeah,  well,  *you're* evil."  he retorted weakly,  waving his hand as if he was trying to stop the reply before it even came.  it was a bad reply,  he knew it!  he also thanked the waiter when their drinks got their,  and thomas leaned his elbow on the table and studied jon's face for a few seconds.  "i take it back,  anyway.  at least until it's your turn to pay for the round."
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE   dont worry about it <333  tysm xx 

"Heeyyy! That hurts!" he kept his *dramatics* up, pouting playfully while bowing his head down. "You're eviiil. I can tell why you're all known as Red *Devils* now," he grinned, then politely thanked the waiter when he brought over their beers.
            
            
            // sorry this is late, lovee !! <\333

   "shut up,  you know what i mean."  he rolled his eyes at the musician,  that being the only way he could act naturally when jon was smiling at him like that,  and going as far as to wink at him on top of that.  "i hardly tease your football club!  they do it to themselves,  not my fault they're shit."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

   "...  you're thanking me for not being an overwhelming piece of shit?"  he chuckled a little,  but the heartfelt additions made his nonchalant exterior visibly crumble for a moment.  "you're...  a lot more sweet than people give you credit for,  aren't you?"  he leaned over to ruffle jon's hair and rest his hand on the musician's shoulder for a long moment.  "i'm glad you feel that way,  jon.  i like hearing the things you have to share.  you're a smart guy."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

He laughed, throwing his arms up in mock surrender. "All right, all right. Sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like riddles. It's just..." he looked down at the guitar by his side, so he could try and organize his thoughts. Tom's eyes were far too distracting! "I feel safe when I'm with you... not that I don't feel like that around Eva and Alex, they're awesome. But it's different with you." he shrugged, looking back at him and smiling sheepishly. "You've seen my worst, and... f*ck, I don't wanna ruin the mood. I just want to thank you— for being you. I feel like you try to understand, that you don't judge. I can show you how things come from my heart and be open to you, in ways I often can't be with others, however close, however long I know them... so... that."

   "oh,  really?"  it was not clever to ask more questions about it,  because it wasn't like he wanted to know and torture himself over the details of it.  jon didn't care about him in a way that was beyond friendly!!  and even that was a stretch!  the way jon added onto it,  though,  with that look and that tone,  and tom took a steadying sip of his beer.  "your tone is telling me i'm missing something.  you can't speak in riddles to me,  i'm not a musician!  i don't get all this stuff." 
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

@-HEAVYLOVE   /  in every universe fr

@failedangels // HAHAHAHAH
            Jon has heroes <3333 his own 'Avengers' team ((':

   /   AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT  let them at that AMERICAN TOO 

   tom knew all this.  he knew he would've pulled away ages ago if he was sober.  hell,  he wouldn't have gone in for the hug in the first place.  but there he was,  holding onto him like his life depended on it,  and perhaps tomorrow he'd feel bad about it.  he probably would,  actually.  he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about this.  about him.  "you made that up."  he laughed,  as unguarded as the last few had been,  and it totally was not a good thing that he felt so safe here.  in the arms of this infamous musician.  his hands were settled on his back,  occasionally rubbing up and down when he remembered they were still holding onto each other.  it felt so natural.  "just a question of having a favourite client,  i think.  which i totally don't have."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

He laughed at his 'complain'; his own arms tightening around him, in a playful way of 'apologizing' to him.
            He could spend forever, like this, in his hold... the thought should be scary, for he knows they... would never be a *they*, or better saying it, an *us*. Tom was drunk, *he* was drunk— they wouldn't hug like this and be openly affectionate towards each other if they were sober... it's a fact.
            And that hurts.
            But he always knew it, and it wasn't fair to Tom all those— listen, he has a *girlfriend*. And in the few months working together, he never got even a *hint* of him being gay or bi or— he's straight, full stop. So he shouldn't nurture such feelings for him, because they would never...
            Ugh. Who cares, though— if that's an one time thing, to get to hold him like this, he's going to be just a little bit selfish and let himself daydream about this, enjoy this... and then forget to think about him like this in the morning... it was a problem for sober Jon, not tipsy Jon.
            "Ssshhh... the client is always right. Right?" he joked, chuckling softly.

   in terms of emotions and things like that,  perhaps tom really was defenseless and weaker than anywhere else.  he could protect himself and others in physical danger and things like that,  but it was the emotions part where he was truly lost.  he had no direction with things like that,  he didn't know how to feel things without the guilt coming along with it.  so they complimented each other in that sense,  and it'd be quite funny to think about it like that.  "whaaaat."  he pretended to complain,  arms tightening around the musician and smiling against his shoulder.  this was insane.  this felt unreal.  why did he  *still*  smell so good?  why did he always know where to put his hands?  why did he have to be so charming?  it was all so needlessly difficult.  "traitor.  yet if i thanked  *you*  for anything,  you'd tell me to shut up.  how's that fair?"  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

If he knew that about Tom, his opinion about his traits and merits wouldn't change. He still wouldn't see it as him merely 'giving up on a dream', but rather, *preserving himself*, and if anything, he would only admire him more, for he was adaptable and knew when to go a different path instead— it showed maturity. No one deserved a life of fear, to live stressed out, watching every single step they took— they deserved a *life*, full stop. 'To work hard to achieve your dreams' wasn't the same as 'giving up on a healthy life to pursue it'. Nothing's either black or white, the grey in between made all the difference. 'All or nothing' was a wrong way of thinking, 'This or that' was much better. And Jon, well... he learned all those philosophies from his mother and uncle. When growing up, he tried everything that was possible (within the money limitations his family had) and succeeded at only one: music. He held onto that. He, too, wanted to be a footballer and play for Liverpool— he never even joined Liverpool's Academy, it was impossible, money wise. His uncle taught him to play guitar, his mother found him a music school that gave lessons in exchange of food and money donations (to help others and the school itself), and the rest is history!
            Eva... when he mentioned her, he tried not to look sad. The face he made probably made him look constipated instead! Damn— she's *great*, and he's happy that Tom has such a good person in his life... it was stupid to feel jealous. "Museums in Italy are great," he responded sincerely. "And so is the food," he grinned. "I think yous will have a lovely time!"

   tom had given up on his first dream in life,  fear drove him away from pursuing it,  but he found himself a passion for this job instead.  perhaps it wouldn't be the same,  but he'd still work hard with what he had.  he'd rather spend his life doing this job and finding happiness than his first dream,  playing football,  and taking every step on a pitch with a fear that it'd be his last.  he enjoyed being a bodyguard,  he prioritised professionalism and doing the things he wanted to do,  and it'd turned out well so far.  maybe this  *was*  his calling.  "yeah!  i'm excited.  eva wants to go to all the museum stuff—  which,  i mean,  i think that'd be impossible.  but i'll let you know how far we get with that.  maybe i'll even learn a thing or two."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

That's a shame. For those *are* really positive traits. To know what you want and go for it, to work hard to achieve your dreams, to be good at what you do and constantly work towards self-improvement. He just hopes he knows when to slow down and take care of himself, though— for those who constantly look after others, often forget to look after themselves... and to forgive themselves. To *allow* themselves things— like going on a nice holiday, relaxing... speaking of which... "For real. By the way, your flight is for tomorrow, innit? Are you excited for your travel?" he's gonna miss him... he definitely won't be telling him that, after all, he really wanted him to take a break, he deserved it!

   thomas wished he would just forgive himself for that lapse in judgement,  but there were certain times where the bodyguard could tell it still bothered him.  sure,  at first he might've been a little glad that jon was still thinking about it,  purely out of spite because it'd  *hurt*.  but now?  god,  he just wanted to move on from it.  the constant thought of it just reminded him of how he was perceived,  what people must generally think of him one way or another,  and it was terrifying.  "we're the better club,  duh."  he shrugged,  not being able to stop himself from laughing at the silly tone of jon's voice even if he was trying to  *defend himself*!!  he shook his head when jon decided to announce that he'd get the drinks,  sending the man a knowing look and conceding rather quickly seeing as it was his birthday.  "whatever you like,  jon.  as long as it's got enough alcohol in it,  i don't mind.  thanks."  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE 

He wasn't just flattering him, that's for sure... he meant it! ...And, maybe, the way he was so interested in him played a role there, somewhere, as well... for instance, he felt like smiling just because the other entered the room. For a brief moment, all he could do was watch him... till the guilt and the shame, especially for what happened *that* night, came striking hard— and then he would avert his gaze, pensive... his brain going ahead and making him a whole *film* of every damn mistake he made. Because that's how brains loved to operate, huh? 'You're feeling bad about that? ...Aw, adorable. Remember when you did that even *worse* thing in 2012?'
            "How?!" his tone was high pitched, in a playful manner. As if he was scandalized with the mere suggestion of it (the rivalry spoke loud!) "Ha! The same thing could be easily said about you, dear friend. Yeah, another drink sounds lovely—" he stood up. "But I'll be the one to get them for us. Another one of those, or would you like something else?" he inquired, quirking an eyebrow defiantly as he waited for his response.

  jon had always been a lot kinder than bosses tom had in the past,  and it wasn't so bad to be treated with that respect.  his sister was nice,  obviously,  but he wasn't always working for her—  just when it came to events and whenever the club as a whole needed someone to call,  and she'd tease him to no end.  it wasn't fair!  he was only a few minutes younger than her!  and a few inches shorter!  she was mean,  so jon was an angel in comparison.  although the bodyguard didn't tell that many jokes because he just didn't think he was that funny,  really,  so jon was just flattering him.  "that just proves me right."  they were doing better than liverpool right now!  ha!  he'd been ridiculed by the other bodyguards during united's difficult phase,  and now he was free!  "you just don't know what you're on about.  can i get you another drink?"  
            
            /  @-HEAVYLOVE 

"Please, don't worry about it..." he said, both in reference to the bag and to walk him to his room. "No one's gonna try anything against me as I walk three doors down to the left," he added with a small smile. "Although I adore the company... I want you to rest and look after yourself now a bit, yes? You looked after me long enough already," he told him, putting a hand on his shoulder, gently. He didn't mean to make it linger... he didn't mean to keep his eyes locked with his again like that, either... but it was inevitable! He forced himself to move, then, smiling sheepishly to the other. "Thank you, *again*. For everything."
            
            
            // exactlyyy !!!! <3333333

   any other day he was sure he'd look away and do something,  but there was something strangely captivating about that moment.  he was stunned into a silence,  intrigued as to why jon was looking at him like that anyway,  tension gripping at his shoulder blades and suffocating him without noise.  tom didn't want to read into any of this,  he decided,  finding these personal moments between them to be more tense than when tom was actually on the job.  "yeah."  he agreed idly,  almost with a breathless and distracted quality to it,  before rising to a stand and clearing his throat.  "let me walk you to your room."  the bodyguard reached over to take jon's bag,  gesturing for him to leave first so he could follow.  
            
            /   @-HEAVYLOVE    exactly!!!  them being soulmates means they'll always figure it out <3333 

The comfortable silence that followed it, too, added to that intimate feeling... it was dangerous, but Jon couldn't help it— he just watched him, idly, grateful to that angel of a man in so many ways... yet, the words escaped him. Nothing he could say would do justice to the way he felt, and the things he couldn't say, well... they were too much, too real, too scary... and highly inconvenient, quite possibly, for he was pretty sure it wasn't the kind of thing Tom wanted to hear— but it was okay, for he couldn't bring himself to say it, either way, that was the whole point he was trying to make.
            He smiled up to him, slightly— glad to hear that confidence in his tone, hoping that, when the time came, he really accepted the gesture of gratitude he had in store for him. He surely deserved it! "I think... I think I should let you rest. Take a nap. It'll be a long night, yeah?" he grabbed the handles of his bag, but didn't stand nor picked it up already— not before that one last look, to have that face in his memory... those eyes that calmed him down and encouraged him to keep going.
            
            
            // the best formula EEVEER: angst + hurt/comfort + fluff !!! loveee it <333 loveee our silly boys xx hahaha