I'm just gonna talk and if anyone actually sees this or even cares, I wont be surprised if you just ignore this...
Lately I've bin not myself...
Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer about how my depression makes me feel
I'm depressed and I know it, I just think it's worse than it was last time.
I can't sleep. The earliest I probably went to sleep at 11 latest I fell asleep was 7 o'clock at night. I just pulled an all miter and didn't fall asleep until the following night.
And you know these these times come out random. Like one day I just finished talking with my friend and I was happy because she got a new sister. And then I started to Think about how I felt bad because I was able to see her own sister before her. Then I would remember when I really needed her in grade 7 but because she was so far away I got bad. Then I remembered the reasons why I needed her. And I just kept going.
I try not to think of these things and I've been told many times that I'm sad because I think these things I think about my past. And I've been told don't think about your past it's in the past think about the future, but I can't. I feel like my mind is stuck in the past.
The only people who really know the whole store are three people...
my friend... who turned her back on me
My best friend... who lives to far
And my cousin... who I don't see as much as I wish to.
I cant focus on anything when I'm alone and I'm sick of it. Someone during the day will make me laugh... but the second they stop talking and walk away, I feel the same way I did before... Alone...
I don't want to feel this way... and I cant explain why or how I feel... But for the first time in my 5 years of depression.. I finally sat my mom down and told her I needed help.
Because I do... I need help...
