fatigued.fantom

Here are my top 5 reason why I believe my cat, Ashton, is a secret Russian spy.
                  1. He is a Russian blue.
          This was only recently discovered because I actually wondered what he was. He's a Russian Blue. Suspicious...
                  2. The name "Ashton" sounds pretty fuckin' Russian.
          This was the name he was given with, we never changed it after getting him.
                  3. Secret meetings?
          Sometimes he'll just go into the garage and stay in there, and then come back and be an asshole. I believe he is having secret meetings in the garage with his Russian comrades.
                  4. Spying?
          This only became a thing we noticed after we figured out his breed. We believe that he scopes us out at the top of the kitchen cabinets. One time, he knocked down our security camera for a moment before I noticed it and fixed it. It couldn't have been anyone else because I was home alone and my dog is too big and too scared to jump that high and do something like that. Hm...
                  5. His reaction upon confrontation.
          After connecting all these dots, I decided to confront the hairy baby. Rather than just owning up, he looked away and didn't speak, sitting there... Then he ran away and avoided us for the rest of the day.
          
          Now, those are the top 5 reasons why I believe that my asshole of a cat is a secret Russian spy.

Help. I'm currently having a gender identity crisis. How do I know what I identify as? Male? Female? Non-Binary? I don't know. I feel like I'm going to breakdown at any moment.

Bruh, my Mom really gonna come in here with sage and leave me wondering if I'm gonna accidentally get high.