Amanda

Mondays suck. Theres absolutely no reason for everything to go tits up all in one day, like... the fuck?? And today was especially bad and half of those headaches are on my desk for tomorrow as well.

Im Goddamn fucking batshit when the post book melancholy hits. Like fuck, what do you do, cant sleep cant eat, cant do anything until theres more to this goddamn book 

ive had like 3 months of mostly good health days and it kind of makes me scared to get back to life bc I know stress is what fucked my autoimmune symptom 10 ways to Sunday this last time and what If I trigger another bad stress response and end up fucking bedridden again? 

washington states been fun, especially the bits where my brother gets into screaming matches with his wife while I attempt to get out of earshot. But eh, what can ya do

ttoday feels more like a vivid dream then reality but whatever

When you hit that wall of boredom where nothings entertaining enough but god you want to do s o m e t h I n g but everything is equally dissatisfying and you kind of just want to cease existence until that goes away

i accidentally typed styles instead of Stiles and now my recommended is fucked up

ssometimes I wish English wasn't my first language so I had an excuse for being such a dumbass sometimes.  Like words are leaving my mouth both in code and in cursive and even I dont know how to cipher what the fuck I'm saying half the time

all but one of my friends do drugs and I'm out here like hey I'd join the party but I'd probably die lmao like straight up cardiac arrest cause I already have heart palpitations and shockingly low bloodpressure and a fast heartbeat cause of my hashimoto's 

and literally the only reason my anxiety is so bad is because when I had this bad flair up of vasomotor(non-allergic) rhinitis so I kept having panic attacks because I couldn't breath so not only has it made me absolutely neurotic with cleaning because of my brain suddenly being hyper aware of everything I touch and the possibility of it being dirty/germy/contaminated with allergens but I'm also struggling to eat food still because my brains hyper aware of the fact that food and food service isnt 100% sterile and its RUINING MY LIFE. 
          
          also still have chronic fatigue and random pain, memory problems and mental fog and currently no medical answers  because it's not connected with my hashimoto's disease so theres that. :(