Okay 1. Don't continue apologizing for your writing!! This is you getting better and advancing. No one expects the best writing from the start. (Although some do- and that's what stops progress)
2. Write more, longer chapters. I recommend for your story switching from first to third pov. POV changes (depending on the writer of course!) Are often not used much. I only switch POV every chapter, sometimes every few. Constantly switching when they're even in the same room means it should probably be in third, or else the reader gets really confused, really fast.
3. Focus more on details?! You really have just bones and sketches if a story. You might say "he got stabbed." But...? What did he feel? Did his breathing hitch? Did he look down at the injury or into his attackers eyes? What did his face look like? Painful? Stoic? Did he expect the death? DETAILS
4. Feel free to hmu for help if you want. I'm just giving out some advice, if you don't want it then get rid of it! Just thought I might throw out some tips. Just keep writing! Experience and time my friend.
