Fephemeral

kimsem yok dedikce mi kimsesiz kaldim yoksa zaten oyleydim de sadece dile mi getirip duruyordum anlayamiyorum artik

Harvey Specter gibi hissediyorum. Mike'ı bizzat işime yanı başima almış, onunla yakın olmuşum, benim sayemde avukatlık hayalini bir nebze de olsa gerceklestirebilmis. Ve simdi de beni bir basima birakip gitmis gibi. Yeni sezonda onun olmayacagini bilerek hayatima ve diziye devam ediyorum, belki geri gelir diye. ama gelmeyecek.
          
          its too late Harvey. I'm sorry but I want to live with Rachel. I cant do this job anymore, bye
           

bu ulke nereye dogru go to anasini satiyim

fuk everyone anasini satayim

her bolumde ayri bi one-shot olusan angst ficlerden yazmak istiyorum so what?

kendi yalnizligimda bogularak olecegim

oha mengola kitabimi listeye eklemiiss inanmiuoruumm 

Uuuhaaaa uppa

she texted me and and I was very nervous at that moment
          
          but she only asked one question and then f0cked off again
          
          broski wht are you doing fr?

God, I don't understand this.
          If I had lived through what's happening five months ago, I wouldn't have been upset at all, but right now, I mean, I'm practically dying from stress.
          
          I miss my gf. I don't know why I miss someone I shouldn't miss, but oh well.
          
          She made me feel so damn special back then, and then she just left, and I was left stranded there.
          
          I was already waiting for the day she'd leave me, and I didn't even give a fuck then, but now, I mean, I might even beg. I don't know, this is the first time I've missed and loved someone this much. Idk man.
          
          Also, she was very good at manipulating, I always told myself that I would not be manipulated, but now I realize how easily I can be manipulated. 
          
          I wasn't a lesbian, but I dated her because she liked me. Do I regret it? Actually, yes, I regret it because I did something that didn't feel right, and I'm bearing the consequences and will continue to do so. but why is it always the undeserving party that suffers this pain? Why can't the one who causes this pain experience karma? 
          
          I don't know anything, I want someone I can talk to but I don't have anyone. Yk, everyone has at least one close friend, but I don't have anyone. Why not? I'm going to say there's no one worthy of me, haha yeah bro yeah so funny. Everyone has a Leyla, I'm stuck with being Mecnun, and I want someone, but I'm tired of always being alone, of not being able to pour my heart out to anyone, of being judged. 
          
          Idk how I came to this topic, but now I feel like I'm just talking to a wall..hell yea
          
          ok, thats it see ya later