Dana white smear campaign

before the rug disappeared, she would jump onto my bed a lot rather casually. But now, she hesitates. and she looked up at me in hesitation and said, "Mother, without the carpet on this slick, hard, wooden surface, the coefficient of static friction beneath my paws is very low, and therefore the amount of force I can exert unto the surface without slipping is miniscule. I have calculated that the minimum impulse necessary to carry me to the peak this mattress overwhelms that maximum amount of non-slipping force. I refuse to partake in such risky maneuvers! I refuse, mother, I simply refuse it, and should you infringe upon my right to -- AAHHH!! AAAHHHHHHH HEELP PUT ME DOWN HELP HELP!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I am on the bed"

i recently removed the rug in my room because im too strong to need one, and she has realized since that it's not there. while this alone is extremely impressive for an animal of her caliber, this is not the way in which she has astounded me

Conor Mcgregor recent statement: "I SUPPORT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. FREE J.T (*********REAL QUOTE**********). IM GOING TO CHOOSE THIS MOMENT TO ASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, AND IF I HAVE TO DIE ON THIS HILL, THEN SO BE IT"

after all the drama came out about his match, justin timberlake got a dwi (driving WITH influence. Its like when youre an influencer and youre driving), and conor saw this and he was like: ok conor. youve had a lot of controversies recently. match isnt going through..... getting old.... BEEN irish ....... We need some good press

He should absolutely be in jail

im feeling a pervasive sadness -- a sort of melancholy that can only be attributed to the late hour and the thick evening from beneath which i pen this entry................... with nothing to direct my sadness at, it turns not into anger but pity, pity for myself and the miserable creatures around me who know, if it is possible, even less about their dour circumstances than I do of mine........ pity is the least productive emotion of them all, the lame duck of the brain, the poorly mannered guest of a dinner party whom all other guests despise the presence of.... unable to contribute or charm or offend or do anything other than be unsettlingly, perpetually present

i was pretty excited, but now am not so excited anymore, so i think im gonna buy a new laptop

But i do believe in an afterlife. My grandpa died ~5 years ago and I feel like he's chilling right now

Notice how i didnt say gods greatest gift to earth. Because THERE IS NO GOD. Yeah I said it

my friends wouldnt think this is funny