hella gay

ughh i just wanna meet bts like
          we dont even have to talk to each other, we can just take one glance and wave and id be able to die in peace
          
          i wanna meet the people who taught me how to love myself y'know
          
          imagine someone saving your life but they have no idea they did, and no idea that you exist, it hurts so much
          
          and now im all depressed and shitty again ugh
          
          ...also i sound very selfish in this post.
          
          there are people out there who havent met bts but are content just seeing them through a screen. and im just here whining like a selfish bitch
          
          maybe its best they don't meet a horroble person like me. 

my current mood is sitting in front of the window at night while its raining, singing mxmtoon and cavetown and playing the ukulele
          
          
          
          now if only i knew how to play the ukulele

i listened to the truth untold and promise next to eachother and now im all emotional because of the comments
          
          im even more depressed than i already was with the fact that i'll never be even 10 miles away from them, like, they're seriously my only comfort in my lonely ass world

man do i wanna die or what

my legs are shaking and my fingers hurt so much
          
          my father made me practise the same piece over and over again for 6 fucking hours straight. my hands have been smashed on the keys so much i'm pretty sure i'll wake up with bruised hands tomorrow

can't fucking believe my dad right now.
          
          he sets me a schedule to practise piano for more than 7 hours in a row every fucking day, lets me have a thirty minute break only to fucking waltz into my room telling me to get to his office and then ending up assigning me another 2 fucking hours without even considering my now non-existent short-ass break and how fucking tired i am
          
          
          and he has the audacity to let my older brother fucking sit down on his couch and play overwatch for the two hours that i will be practising., like, "oh yeah, daehyun, you can stare at that screen and blow your eyes and not practise at fucking all out while you jaehee need to practise more because your finger slipped while playing nocturne opus 9 and i will not allow a single mistake in your pieces" 
          
          and my mom works more than 12 hours each night, and i barely get to see her because shes always at work or sleeping and my dad has the nerve to say that she doesn't care about me and my brother!? she barely gets any money for all that work she does and works extra shifts just so that we could have food on the table and you just go up to her and take all that money away to spend on piano books that we'll never fucking use
          she has to hide the money she earns because she's afraid you'll fucking take it from her
          
          we almost missed the new year countdown because all you cared about was our music career, sometimes i wonder if you really are my father
          
          
          fuck i'm so angry and upset rn i think i might flood my room with tears

no-one 's probably gonna listen but i can't just keep this to myself like aaaaAaaaAAAAAH-
          
          right, okay, so i'm the most broke bitch out there and cannot afford any k-pop merch but my mom being the best mom out there bought me a bts hoodie with my favourite album LOVE YOURSELF and all in there!
          she was like "i was gonna give this to you on Christmas but fuck it you can have it now" she showed it to me and i like screamed so loud
          
          my friend loves bt s as well but she doesn't have any merch so i'll flash it to her for the entire day tomorrow. istg my mom's the best

https://www.wattpad.com/story/57146466-airplane-bts-suga-x-reader
          
          to the eight people who follow me, if you are a fan of bts, this book will be perfect! it made me so emotional, you have no idea.
          
          extra credits to her, 'cause the author is german, meaning that english isn't her first language, so making a book this good in ENGLISH is even more impressive!

happy birthday to jimin, my idol!
          ah, i relate to the dude a lot. before i met my friends, i felt insecure, broken and lonely, like i just wanted to end it all. but now, i feel happy with how my life is currently going. i hope he has a wonderful birthday!

eek! I've done it.. https://www.wattpad.com/story/158448453