freed1439
It's funny how things can change which you never thought can happen but there's nothing we can do but accept it. I don't want to be bitter yet my mind keeps wishing for your downfall and I know karma will get me for that. You did you and left our friendship with no remorse just because you had other friends and for the convenience of it. I hate you for that, I sometimes envy your life, carefree but I know in the end it'll be worth it and I'll be one who won in life. I'm praying for enlightenment and to get rid of this hatred feeling.
freed1439
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@freed1439 I kinda knew this exactly how it’d be just from my last entry, guess what? I broke up with him! Yeah, he became my boyfriend for a little bit and I know it’s too sudden but it’s for the better, the longer that I stay, the more I might hate him and the more painful it will be. I had the mindset that if I stay something might change, if I continue to be with him I might learn to love him but no, it’s still the same and it’ll only create distance. I love how genuine he is but it isn’t enough. I know his current situation especially the financial one but I’d like to be with a guy who can treat me out and not worry to much about money, I myself is frugal but you not making plans to see me in our monthsarry because you have no budget turned me off. I feel some kind of freedom but a little of regret but I know I did the right decision. I’m hoping for the best of us, to grow individually. On the other hand, I think I have finally moved on from my long term crush, the guy that made me want to confess a lot lot of time. Him having a girlfriend and be so proud of her made me realise that all my delusions are bullshit. He’s straight, the interactions that I overlooked was just only because we were friends and I made things up in my head. Yeah, this is for the better, 2026 will be more on focusing on myself, I won’t try to hard this time especially with love, did some dumb shit just to say I was in relationship, if it will happen, it’ll happen. I’ll focus on my academics this time, getting that degree is more important! Let’s get that Rph in my last name this October! I hope the next time I make an entry, it’ll be with a good good news!
freed1439
@freed1439 omg, I feel funny upon reading and appreciate that a gave me a random stranger gave me encouragement, Sunny if you’re reading this thank you! Btw I’ve been ranting about getting a boyfie since early 2024 and I came here to say wtf literally 2 days after I ranted this, I meet someone and until now we’re talking and literally in a few hours we’re about to meet. I don’t know why the feeling is underwhelming, I love the attention and efforts that he gives me but why don’t I feel the butterflies? Why do I feel the kilig from the pianist guy from my church every-time I see him? I feel so terrible, he’s just a happy crush that’s all. You know, I should be nervous right now but nothing, compared to all my talking stage, he feels the least kilig. I’m here praying and hoping that after we see each other later I’ll feel the spark that I’ve been wanting. I want this to work so bad, I know he’s a good guy, he made an effort to see me when I’m literally miles away. I want to experience my loverboy era in college even when it’s too late but if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, always remember to be happy and choose yourself. Love life aside, let’s gooo 2nd sem, this is gonna be my last sem if ever I pass the seminar! I’m praying for wisdom and perseverance for my studies cause lacking those. I need to be more studious and not prioritise my mental health so much. Also, I can’t believe my college life is about to end, it was a rollercoaster…
sunnyLexi7
Hi hi, I'm so sorry this probably is dumb to do but you got this m8. Life freaking sucks sometimes and things can be so difficult but you will get through it always. It sounds like you're working hard at all that so I know you'll get there in the end:)
Also I can relate a lot to the social problem aspects and all that, I feel u
Read back all the things you said-- time heals, things move on, and get better. Everything happens when it should, (and also you'll definitely get into a relationship because you seem like a lovely person haha:) )
Idk, you've got a rando rooting for ya m8☆:)