kate???

i’m not fucking scared of you anymore

Hello
          To no one

Is no one listening?
          Am I really that awful?
          Is that why you kept me from being myself?
          Because you didn't like it?
          
          Is it too much to ask for forgiveness?
          When the only one needing forging is you?
          Is it too much to ask for something great?
          When the only great thing around here is the view?
          
          Is that why you keep me here?
          Is that why you make them stare?
          For the 'view' that you promise is here?
          Even when it's just a pile of ash?
          The aftermath of an emotional flame?

Is it enough that you hate me?
          Oh wait, you're only here to control me
          Here to tell me what to say and what to do
          Even if it's somehow only: 'I love you'
          
          There're scars in my arms and they're not from you
          They're from pain and depression and anxiety
          Something you said you'd protect me from
          But here we are, stuck in the blue
          You said that you'd help me but the only thing you've helped me from is from
          Loving you

There is no progress
          I'm still the same
          I'm just kind of waiting
          For something to change
          
          I like to watch you
          But for you it's not the same
          I've heard you talking
          But it's not about me
          
          I've always wanted you
          But you've never wanted me
          Some people have told me
          ¨That's just what you think¨

People tell me I'm strong
          But I'm not the only one who knows they are wrong
          
          I've been told I'm not enough
          But I've already told myself I'm not tough

They tell me it's nothing
          There're no skeletons around us
          But I still feel ghosts behind me
          
          I reach out my arm
          But it pulls back in
          Like there's something they're desperately hiding
          
          I call out a name
          Their answer is vain
          ¨You cannot join us, you've never seen the true color of rain¨

There are sunflowers around me
          But their color is not light
          It doesn't affect me
          
          When the sun goes away
          Their color fades
          And all that is left is the darkness in our veins
          
          They look for light
          But it's hidden
          They dance in the wind in a playful way
          But none of it helps me
          
          They smile and laugh but it's silent
          They swallow up rain like it's nothing
          But how am I so weak compared to them
          How come I'm so withered and broken
          
          How come they act like their light is everywhere
          But here I am
          A weed they don't have the power to trample

94 followers! Only 6 more before 100!

Read my new book, 'Kinda Depressed'! I know, I know, I haven't been on here in a while, and I have almost zero followers that actually pay attention to me anymore, buuuuuut, I still just wanted to announce it to the world! Yay! So happy! I've been working on two chapters for a while, so this would be so awesome if I could make this better than anything else I've ever written. Thanks, ya'll! -Kate