ftnrdake

Hi, I'll be temporarily taking down Cicada for extensive rewriting.
          	Hope to see you guys again soon!

ftnrdake

This past week has been a non-stop flurry of stress and procrastination-induced workload build-up and unhealthy-all nighter. In two days—Monday and Tuesday—I dispensed 10k+ words to wrap up Cicada in time for Wattys (FWLC is a stupid acronym that resembles more of a capitalistic conglomerate goliath), and then for the rest of the weeks, I rushed to finish the pre-probation assignments demanded by the teaching assistant job I was applying to. As a climax, I flunked the mock lecture in my final interview this evening because I'm a socially dysfunctional rat. Most days I straight up am unavailable for 12 hours and my circadian rhythm's gotten messed up beyond recognition: I haven't slept a wink since yesterday evening, and to keep myself up for the interview, I drank coffee like a madman—20 hours of staying awake. Earlier, I accidentally switched on the front camera: "Now, I am become Miserable Pou, destroyer of mental and physical health." Yeah, basically.
          
          For the rest of August, I'm probably taking a "break." This means getting down to the backlog of personal projects I've been putting off since mf 2021. I think (?) I'm aware that a lot of my hobbies are so destructive physically, but I can't help but keep doing them because they're the only source of mental satisfaction I have. I'm moving to another city in September because my university is there; no doubt that life will only get busier afterward and I will no longer have any time to do these things so freely. 'Tis but a necessary evil.
          
          I sometimes wonder if it's worth it, as neither Cicada nor my private translation project (both of which took months) will benefit me in my CV or whatever. I for one would never let my employer know that I write lesbian p0rn. It's a bit sad that I now have to consider this and not... brush it off with a simple 'Should life really be all about money and practicality? I just want to live well and live broadly like a cicada.'
          
          Maybe that's why I wrote Cicada in the first place.

ftnrdake

On the bright side, I'm saving up to buy a new phone :) Waiting for new gen to be released so I can snag the lower gen at a bargain.
            
            I've been an Android user for as long as I can remember, but recently I've been thinking of switching sides. The Apple ecosystem sure is convenient for my major—hair-dyed depressed Digital Marketing soph with an ungodly addiction to Starbucks. Cool!
            
            Video games aren't that attractive to me anymore ever since high school, simply because I didn't have enough time to play them. For August, I'm planning on ~50%-ing Death Stranding (bought at full price but played for, like, 3 hours), Spider-man, and IDK,  SIFU. Elden Ring and GoW will have to wait a little more. Another playthrough of Disco Elysium, if possible. I bought a $1800 PC rig for games and heavy rendering but so far I've been utilizing its i9 for... Microsoft Word.
            
            I bought a Windows laptop due to my prejudice with Apple's stuff, but now that I've seen what an eye candy the Macbook experience is, I should probably sell mine and and snatch a Mac years down the line. Although, there's also the problem of replacing my dead drawing tablet and paying for failed credits (because my two brain cells will make sure that happens). Not to mention, a motorbike...
            
            Either way, I am slowly being normie-fied. Doesn't feel that bad. Xiaofan is a normie who definitely buys a bootleg iPhone just to fit in with the 'cool kids,' whereas Carmilla does it just for Xiaofan's attention (spoiler: she is not impressed). Both of them are normies, but to different extents and for different motives.
            
            That aside, I'll be spending this year reading up on classics and proper English grammar—subordination and that parenthetical syndetical whatchamacallit BS drove me up the wall yesterday. I promise to be back with a better Cicada one day.
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ftnrdake

this message may be offensive 
I am incredibly ignorant when it comes to flowers and nature, given my status as a pseudo-shut-in. I have, in that regard, no idea what 'amaryllis' is. The color, the shape, the fragrance—the flower itself eludes me in its entirety. I said it's a flower because I thought 'amaryllis' is a really apt name for a flower. I was right.
          
          Most of my writing experience consists of being in this 'clueless' limbo of guesswork. That's all I'm doing: winging it, pulling shit out of my ass. I don't think I've ever been sober writing FWLC.
          
          When night comes, I shall think about 'amaryllis' and the experience of bullshitting to my lovely readers. Cheers.
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/311098395-amaryllis-review-shop-open

ftnrdake

I think about the past a lot these days. Probably because my older chapters were pretty cringe to read. Why did I start an eight-month-long commitment? Why was I so horny out of my mind? Why was I so confident in my English ability? No idea. They say it's a journey. A journey, they say.
          
          It's not really the past that I think about. It's probably the 'journey.' And I like reading about others' journeys.
          
          PSA: This review shop, among others, has been in my private library for a long time. Must be fate that brought it to me on a sleepless night trying to meet the Wattys' deadline at 5 AM.
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/346758506-reviews-by-rowan-carver