Gagabogo

DO NOT. TELL ME. ABOUT. ABSTINENCE. I KNOW NOTHING OF IT, YOU PREPOSTEROUS AND ILL-WITTED WITCH. I WILL HAVE YOU BURNED AT THE STAKE IF YOU DECLINE ME MY WELL-DESERVED TITTY-TIME.
          BURN IN HELL YOU FILTHY WENCH.

Might I propose that we (you, and I), commence in a socially acceptable version of sex? I would enjoy becoming intimate with you, but fear the lack of privacy, and the perversion that may be included along with our promiscuous actions.
          I do promise that I shall dote upon thine genitalia. Please, I do beg, that you take my offer into your utmost careful consideration, for I hunger for your large bosoms. I thrive under the spotlight of your lustful, chocolate eyes. I yearn to touch thou glutes with thine fingertips, if you get my lingo, word, my g. Thou art a "baddie".
          Must you decline my provocative offer, I shall go utterly mad. I will not take it lightly (you know I like things rough). Farewell, my sweet and well built maiden. I will patiently await your answer.
          
          -Dearest

I was trying to read that dumbass announcement you made but instead I read every single one of your damn stories and now I'm having suicidal thoughts and mild symptoms of chronic diarrhea. Fuck you.

Y'all ever just burp and choke on it and then proceed to die and the next day when your mother finds you and she calls the police but they can't figure out how you died because the burp is gone so you become famous for dying with no cause. And then like years later after your family is rich from your death a super smart scientist decideds to look into the case and finds out you choked to death on a burp and then thinks about how your family got rich because you choked to death on a burp. Relatable I know right?

jizz crackers for breakfast

Suck it, bitchwhizz