gapapakid

I'm just using mitski to cover up all the anger and tears I have.

gapapakid

I actually never cried over people before.
          I guess there's a first to everything
          Hm
          I actually hope their fine.
          They made me learn what love really is.
          They helped me with problems they didn't even know of.
          I still care for them obviously

gapapakid

Blah blah blah
          It's all I hear
          Over and over again
          It's so annoying
          Yeah!
          Because living a good life involves:
          Having thoughts of attempting for either attention or actually just to leave this wicked, cruel, nasty, trashy world.
          Wanting to hit others for actually ruining my life.
          Being afraid of getting manipulated again.
          Being used for looks and always told im either cute or hot.
          Being told I'm over dramatic when I react correctly.
          I'm either told I'm "fat" or "too skinny".
          Is that really a good life?
          No.
          It's not.
          It's actually a terrible life.
          But if I actually tell someone.
          It just makes them worry about me
          That's what I don't want
          I don't want them worrying about me
          It just makes me a thing on their list of things to worry about
          I hate it.
          I just want to disappear.
          It not like anyone would notice.
          My own cousin who I grew up with changes his personality depending if he's with me or my sister.
          I know nobody will see this.
          Which is good.
          But still.
          If you do manage to see this
          I'm sorry you read this.

gapapakid

this message may be offensive 
If you are able to read this I was correct it was a failed attempt.
          My whole life is fucking failing anyways
          14 times already. I hate myself. I'm thinking about just leaving everybody. 
          I can't even tell of I love them anymore.
          So really what's the point anymore?
          I fall in love
          I end up not loving them
          I keep the relationship going because I don't wanna hurt them
          And I wait until they lose feelings for me.
          Same shit
          Over
          And over
          And over
          And over
          And over
          I just want it to stop
          I mean that's what these attempts are for?
          Right?
          Or was it because of what I was put through?
          Nothing makes sense anymore 
          I'm losing motivation 
          For everything 
          What's the point.
          I'll die anyways

gapapakid

this message may be offensive 
I can't handle shit can I? This is stupid I wish everyone just forgot I existed. Everyone hates me anyways. It's all the same. I hate everything. I'm so tired of this shit. I just want everything I feel to stop. I can't handle this shit anymore. I hate it. I hate everything. I'm still trying to lose feelings for his ex. I'm trying. I really am. I just have to keep on ignoring this feeling. I hate this. It's so hard to breathe. I can't even get out my own bed. I'm literally decaying in it. I'm pretty sure I'm just faking everything. I hope not. I swear. This happens every fucking time. I wanna move schools again. It'd be better for everyone. Even them. I love them though. I don't ever wanna leave them. But like It'd be better to just leave everything and create a new life somewhere else. Or maybe just leave forever. 
          
          If your reading this I found time to actually leave this cruel world even though I'm pretty sure it'll be a failed attempt.