gayjeth

O o f. In my part of Texas there were supposed to be rolling blackouts because of the lack of power supply to meet demand (apparently our wind turbines froze up lol) but our power went out at 5:30 am this morning and we FINALLY got it back on at 3:30 and now it’s off again. 
          
          It’s kind of funny, I washed clothes last night and I fell asleep while waiting for the cycle to finish and the washing machine we have tends to stay locked until you attempt to open it (safety feature I guess?) and by the time I got up the power was out so my my clothes were literally STUCK in the washing machine. 
          
          Even better, I rewashed the clothes again because they smelled a bit like mildew by the time the power was on again and now they’re stuck...again. 
          
          So here I am, camped in my car because my house has terrible insulation and it’s the warmest place to be rn. What a great beginning of 2021.
          
          But hey at least there’s snow. 

Ahhhhhh!!!! I finally got my new car!!!!! So weird my car crapped out on me, I got it sold, and now I have a new(er) car in less than three days but here I am. 
          
          At least something good has come of this year.

Ahhhh theres so much to update!!!
          
          
          My shoulder is better
          
          I FINALLY had my assessment for work scheduled, then the power went out, so it got rescheduled again (I had a bit of a mental breakdown over that not gonna lie)
          
          My car broke down finally last night so I’m getting it scrapped today and I may be getting a new Kia Soul???!!!! Exciting!!!! 
          
          Im sure theres more but I promise I’m not dead, I just haven’t logged back into this account in a hot minute.

I wouldn’t say things are necessarily better but my situation not as much of a sh*tstorm as it was a little bit ago. Probably won’t be posting yet still but I jsut kind of wanted to do an update if anyone cared? 
          
          Lmao in all of this mess with my shoulder the one person that has made me feel real and made my situation feel real and valid is my physical therapist. He was the one who was like “yeah it seems like it could be x or y” and trying to give me essentially a reassurance that what I’m feeling is very real because the urgent care doctor didnt do that until I got my mri results back (it was weird. He did a whole 180 after) and my ortho (that whole appointment was a disaster from the start tbh) basically told me that my mri looked like I didn’t really have a tear so much as an “abnormality”. 
          
          And I quote “not saying that nothing happened” and then said something about my age possibly making it look like an abnormality. Um? Maybe it’s because I didn’t get an mri until a month after it happened? Maybe? There’s so much more but I’m sure not many care too much lmaoo
          
          So I’m back to feeling like I’m crazy again and like I’m just attention seeking (gross). I stay on my restrictions for another month and go to pt for 3 weeks. Then back to ortho to hopefully be done with all of this. 
          
          That’s not even to get into all of the drama at work (yikes now THAT has been a sh*tshow) and everything else but yeah. 
          
          All of this mess has done nothing for me but further deepen my distrust of doctors. 

I’m so sorry you guys. I’ve been wanting to post or update literally anything this year but I just can’t. This year has been awful and i just haven’t been handling anything well. 
          
          My mom finally came to the decision to put our oldest dog down. He’s my first dog and he’s 12 now and I’ve been wanting this for him for a while because I know he’s tired. I know he hurts and he’s struggling so much and you can just see it in his face that he’s so tired. My mom said most likely it’ll happen in less than two weeks. I know it’s the right thing but it just hurts so bad. 
          
          I doubt I’ll be posting anything probably for the rest of the year and I’m so sorry. Not many of you really read anything that I write but I’m so appreciative of those who do. I’m really sorry. 
          

So my physical therapist was partially right. Mri showed a tear in one of the muscles in my rotator cuff :) not bad enough to warrant surgery now but let’s hope it heals (and doesn’t get worse) so I can get back to working normally 

Had the mri technically yesterday morning. It’s 1am and I can’t sleep rn but yeah let me tell y’all if you have one 1.) it’s,,,,intense 2.) ask for an open mri. Please. They’ll put you in a larger machine and I’m sure it’s probably a lot better and hopefully less scary and disorienting than a normal one is. Not fun but hopefully I’ll have my results by the end of tomorrow.

Shoulder update: I have an mri tomorrow which is nice. 
          
          Kind of scared because if I have to have surgery, I know the labrum repair takes like 2 months to heal, which I would be stuck in a sling for. So fun times. 
          
          Idk man but my first mri tomorrow so yeah 

Another shoulder update: one of the four muscles (tendons?) that make up the rotator cuff might be torn. My physical therapist can’t diagnose me but he says it’s what it sounds like. 
          
          I go back into the doctor today soon so we’ll see. 

Y’all have no clue how irritating it was to have to change passwords on both of my accounts. But I’m back. 
          
          I’m alive. 
          
          My shoulder still hurts and my physical therapist thinks it’s a labrum year but we don’t know :))) even if it was I probably wouldn’t be able to get surgery bc covid 
          
          But hey I’m alive