@aceblaze01 hello
So I read your story and I like it x3 I've thought of master hand X3 he was my fave baddie back from the original smash bros (Those were the days)
advice i can give is when a character is talking try example
Everyone read the board of who they would be paired up for the next tennis game I saw my name with " ah I was hoping to be paired up with princess peach great" ,grunted Bowser.
The style your going with is more like a script which is perfect for voice acting in a fan video x3.
Also to help easy writing picked a few of your favorite characters
But it's your story x3 so have fun with it.
Even when I did my cuphead story I write a few charactersin like they have a line or two . But I stick with at least 3 characters is my limit
But have fun x3