Hi- I'm just starting to read Meeting Mr. Spy. I love the concept for your story- I'm not into spy stuff but I was really hooked with your prologue. You've obviously got a vivid imagination and are very creative. To me, this is the most important thing. I wanted to PM you right away because this really fresh in my head and I jotted down a few notes. In my opinion, I would take out the author's note that you have. Don't tell people what to expect- let them discover that on their own. If you tell them, why should they bother reading it? They want to be surprised. That's what keeps us turning the page. And don't tell us that the characters are multi dimensional- because they should be. Although, honestly I've read a lot of ones that aren't (not yours ;)). I loved your prologue but I noticed that there was a few tense issues (am- change to was/ overprotected- change to overprotective) I would also italicize what he whispers. Okay- Chap One- Again some tense issues (detach- change to detached/anger- change to angry) Although I would look at this sentence because it seemed awkward to me. Even with the tense change- it still felt weird. The first chapter seems almost like one long paragraph- I would break this up. It's easier to read when you do this. When someone new starts talking- make it into a new paragraph. It's just easier to tell what tags/actions go with who is speaking and so on. What helps me during the editing process is to read my work out loud to myself. It really sounds differently when spoken than merely read silently. Trust me, I know just how difficult the editing process is. I spend 3x more time editing than I do writing. I think you have great ideas and the mechanics just need to be refined. Good luck! Just so you know, I left a few comments on your page and voted!
