gokichan

(5/5)
          
          If anyone is even reading this, thanks for reading my rant.  Sorry to write stuff this heavy… 
          
          Despite how it all sounds, I’ve become better at being positive and optimistic, and I’m having fun going to concerts and animal cafes and stuff in Japan even if I am constantly reminded about the food stuff. I’ve also made lots of progress with certain things like lowering my baseline anxiety levels through therapy, meditation, exposure therapy, etc. and I at least can eat acidic foods again (a year ago I had very bad acid reflux and couldn’t even eat an apple).
          
          I really hope I can report back with good news soon and return to the writing frequency I used to be able to do before my health issues upended my daily life. 
          
          Anyway, even if lots of stuff sucks, there’s still a lot of good things left to live for. I’m sure you have your own struggles as well, but stay strong, stop focusing on what other people have that you don’t, and remember the things that make you smile. 
          
          I hope you and your loved ones have a great rest of the year and that you can make 2026 even better! Take care! 

(4/5)
          
          Not gonna lie. It’s isolating and frustrating watching everyone eat whatever they want, remembering I was like that too until a year or two ago. I’m most likely not celiac and don’t have any food allergies, but because of my chronic digestive illness limiting my life so much, I have so much sympathy for people with health problems, esp. “invisible” health issues like this. My older sister is included; she has a lot of food allergies and asthma. It sucks to be excluded from so much of “normal” public life. 
          
          How can I put it…? It’s like I’m supposed to be living in the same world as everyone else, but my own body is preventing me from doing so. I finally made it to Japan, where I thought I could finally “begin” my life, yet my own body is now the final and biggest obstacle. 
          
          If not for this I would’ve spent a lot more time writing, but I have to stop depleting my savings and find a job, and before that I want to finally get a diagnosis that explains everything. Or if not, then at least some kind of cure…

(3/5)
          
          From here on, since I’ve reached the halfway point of the visa, I’ll be pretty busy. I won’t have much time to write. I need to find a job so I can get a work visa and stay here. 
          
          It’s true that I’m grateful to be here and don’t want to leave but it’s kind of bittersweet because it’s not like what I pictured it at all. Not through anyone’s fault, but just through random probability. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people, and all that. The world is cruel, etc.
          
          Because of my health issues making me be in pain/nausea many days, and severely limiting what I can eat, it’s been harder to go out and meet and socialize with people. I have to cook almost everything myself and shop at more expensive organic supermarkets downtown. The only things I can have at cafes is herbal tea or plain water.
          
          Let me tell you, gluten is one of the hardest foods to avoid. It’s in literally everything, and all the fun, comforting, cheap, widely available, social foods. And GF stuff is so much more expensive, and also hard to find especially in Japan where even if it’s a rice-based meal, soy sauce is in everything… And I’ve gotten offered/gifted so much food I can’t eat. So. Much. Food.

(2/5)
          
          It’s not like it was spontaneous, it had actually been my biggest dream to live on Japan since I was 12 years old. To the point that every day I’d wake up and my first thought was “Why am I still not in Japan…?”
          
          I’d worked so hard to get fluent in Japanese and get experience in my field so I could maybe get hired for a job in Japan from outside of Japan then move here. That was the original plan.
          
          But because of these health issues starting just around the time I was about to execute the plan, I had to do something a bit different. It was hard to work full time while feeling like this, and then trying to find a job at the same time? No. 
          
          This spring I quit my job of four years and moved to Japan on a working holiday visa. I moved from Germany to Tokyo.
          (Interesting enough they announced layoffs just two weeks after…! I wish I’d been laid off instead because I could’ve used the money… But maybe it wouldn’t have been me and I saved someone else on my team.)
          
          As it turns out, it’s apparently easier to look for a job when you’re already living here. I just took the JLPT N2 as well after spending the first six months of the visa period studying with a private tutor. I’m pretty confident I passed so that will be a boon for my resume, but I have to wait for the results for another month. I won’t lie, I am very nervous about looking for a job when I’m feeling like this. 
          
          But I won’t give up. It’s hard, but I have no choice but to keep moving forward and taking things a day at a time. Such is life.
          
          

(1/5)
          
          Hello… Merry Christmas!!  
          
          I hope everyone is doing well. The year is almost over, but I was thankfully finally able to publish something! A new chapter of In the Dark! 
          
          It’s a pretty long one and a looot happens so check it out when you have time! Hopefully the formatting isn’t too weird, because I had to write a lot of it on mobile since my laptop has been acting up…
          
          And now for a rant explaining why I’ve been so inactive :’)
          
          It’s been crazy this last year, so I haven’t had much time to write. My health situation is still very messy. Among other things, I’ve barely had any gluten this year, any dairy, and for the last month almost no fats either and I’m taking meds every day but instead of them helping I feel worse.
          
          I’m spending so much time and energy trying to get to the bottom of this but it’s already been two years. I’m getting closer to an answer (like that according to tests I ordered, there’s a near-0% chance it’s celiac; next I’m going to do more tests for Crohn’s) but it’s been so complicated and stressful and honestly harder than when I lost my dad. I took it for granted to be able to eat everything, to not be in pain every day, to be able to spend my free time on hobbies instead of reading health forums and research papers and making all kinds of doctor and alternative medicine practitioner appointments.
          
          I will say I have become more thankful for the things I still have. My five senses, my ability to walk, that I’m at least healthy enough to not be hospitalized, good doctors, supportive family and friends, my readers… 
          
          And this year the biggest thing was that I finally fulfilled my dream of moving to Japan. 
          
          Yes, that’s right, even though I’m going through this chronic health issue and there were many risks involved, I decided to quit my job and move countries. Again. 

Happy new year, everyone!
          
          I’m still alive, in case anyone was wondering… but the last few months were extremely stressful. 
          
          Not only did my health issues get worse at the start of October but I had to move on short notice and do so before my vacation (the lady I was subleasing from wanted to move back in January 1 and I had a vacation in Japan Dec 15-Jan 6 that I really didn’t want to cancel… so I had less than 2 months to look for AND execute my move, all by myself, while also in bad health. I was pushed to my physical and mental limits.
          
          But hey, I had a nice and much needed vacation and my health seems a bit better at least… don’t wan to jinx it though. It at least seems to all be digestive issues and nothing more serious. 
          
          In November I was told I have hepatitis (not viral, probably toxic hepatitis induced by supplements I was taking) which explains my on and off liver area pain, and just last week I was told I have leaky gut so we have some diagnoses at least and I’m starting some supplements to treat them and following a gluten-free, low sugar, dairy free diet. It sucks but there’s a lot I have to be thankful for still. 
          
          Idk when I’ll have time to write again because I’m busy furnishing the new place, catching up at work, and preparing for other big life events this year. Will keep you all posted. Take care!
          

New Chapter of In the Dark is out! Or chapters I guess?? Sorry for the wait. The last year has been crazy. Make sure you read Side A first

cockroach chan, please revive. I love your art/stories, I'll even do a satanic ritual for you to revive but keep posting your great stories  i need 'em ffkspfkls

So my birthday is in a few days…  If anyone wants to do me a solid please follow these instructions to nominate Sister and Giant for a manga award (this year will be its last chance to win) https://x.com/oneekyo_alt/status/1789161783904923766?s=46 Thanks

Hey guys! I'm alive and I published a new oneshot!  Enjoy : )