ali ♡

NIALL TOMORROW!!!

god, i haven't felt butterflies like this since the last time I was happy.
          he makes me feel like i have a whole butterfly family in my stomach anytime i'm near him, or even right now as i'm thinking about him while writing this. if only i could get us to be more than a really good day of inside jokes and conspiring plans we know we'll never follow through on, or him singing my favorite song to me because i mentioned that harry is my favorite person in this whole world. how i wish one day i could look into his blue eyes and tell him all about how they remind me of everything good in the world, exactly like how he does, too. I only want us to be more than glances across the room, when you look at me and i was already looking at you. you smile, and i smile back knowing that we don't have enough time for something between us to ever happen. i would give anything for more of those amazing days where i finally felt like maybe, just maybe, someone could feel the same way that i feel about them. 
          
          where i finally could be loved.
          
          - ali xx

oh no, i'm falling in love again

happy birthday to the sweetest boy around!! it is through you that i met my best friends in the entire world whom i could not live without. you brought love into our house and made it a family, and i will never be able to thank you enough for how that has saved me. I love you so much, h. more than you'll ever know. <3
          
          - ali xx

haven't ranted on here in awhile, idk things have been pretty good lately. i'm getting contacts finally, dyeing my hair back back to its natural color (it's brown, but mostly blonde, so i'm dyeing it like a chocolate brown), i got my first thing from lululemon which i know might not seem like such a big deal to many people but it is to me, and i guess i'm maybe starting to like who i am? i'm getting into makeup more, curling my hair more instead of straightening it, i'm getting my dream downtown girl pinterest room soon, i guess my life is kind of turning out good. i did have a panic attack about a spider in the car with my whole family though... so that was really scary because my brother thought i was faking it... but yk ig i just gotta deal with that stuff. i'm also in a reading slump and i haven't read since like september and it's horrible...
          
          anyways i guess bye for now <3
          
          - ali xx

We are friends. We ride together, we die together.
          Send this to everyone you care about, including me it you really care
          See how many times you get this, I want you to know that you are an amazing friend, till death.
          Once you read this letter, you must send it to 15 people.
          If you get at least 3 back, you are loved.

he did it. the curls are gone. he's actually bald. i need to mourn

TOGETHER WE'RE THE. GREATEST!
          
          Send this to 10 of your absolute favorite people.
          
          If you get 5 back, you're loved. If you get 10 back, you're VERY important to these people. If you get 15 back, you are famous and beloved by all. (Including me)

quick rant: so today this girl that i have beef with (i mean idk why but she just hates me and says the rudest things to me out of nowhere, and 2 years ago we used to be really good friends so idk where it's even coming from) was in starbucks, and so was one of my friends and I. we were ordering (she and a couple of her friends were right behind us in line) and she saw me and literally YELLED across the entire starbucks "hey can you pay for my order i forgot money, i promise i'll pay you back. like i promise i swear" and so i did, and THIS B HAS THE AUDACITY TO ORDER ABOUT 5 THINGS, AND THE FINAL TOTAL WAS $37.49. LIKE WHAT??? i used what was left on my starbucks card (which was like $15) and i had to use my hard earned cash that i've been saving for so long to save up for a concert that i told my parents i'd pay for if they let me go. i'm just so beyond furious because this is not the first time that this has happened, either. last year the same exact thing happened, and she "promised she would pay me back the next day" and so i asked about it the next day, and she said she "forgot" so eventually i just gave up and realized that she had no intention of paying me back. it's not like she can't afford having starbucks, she uses daddy's money for everything, she has 2 phones because she "couldn't choose between pink or blue" so daddy got her both. i'm just so sick of her crap because i was so close to saving up, and now i have to take more time out of what i should be using for academics to earn back the money that she made me pay. when she asks for money i do want to say no, but how would that make me look? it would make me look like an insensitive person who is just cruel and a horrible person. she just bothers me so much.
          
          - ali xx

it's really tough when teachers tell you that you just have anxiety and depression when something internal is happening. like yes, i physically look fine, but inside everything hurts. i can't walk up the stairs without passing out or being close to, i can't eat without severe abdominal pain, i can't get up without my heart rate going over 200 bpm. then everyone thinks you're faking it, and they tell you to grow up, including your own parents. doctors think it's a "girl thing" and tell you to suck it up and get on with life. i have to struggle with this everyday of my life, and people invalidating my symptoms doesn't make them not real.