sinnamon roll :]]

I am fine now guys! I managed to log in to my other account as well as create a new one so I currently have 3 accounts (no reason). I am doing way better now and will be on more often. Sorry I was dead for so long, but I am back and feel way better! I got help too so everything is alright now. :)

Joy to the world, the Lord is come
          Let Earth receive her King
          Let every heart prepare Him room
          And Heaven and nature sing
          And Heaven and nature sing
          And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing
          Joy to the Earth, the Savior reigns
          Let all their songs employ
          While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
          Repeat the sounding joy
          Repeat the sounding joy
          Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy
          He rules the world with truth and grace
          And makes the nations prove
          The glories of His righteousness
          And wonders of His love
          And wonders of His love
          And wonders, wonders, of His love
          Joy to the world, the Lord is come
          Let Earth receive her King
          Let every heart prepare Him room
          And Heaven and nature sing
          (And Heaven and nature sing)
          And Heaven and nature sing
          (And Heaven and nature sing)
          And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing
          And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing
          Joy to the world, the Lord is come
          Let Earth receive her King
          Let every heart prepare Him room
          And Heaven and nature sing
          (And Heaven and nature sing)
          And Heaven and nature sing
          (And Heaven and nature sing)
          And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing
          And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing

[3] (TWS for mentions of depression/suicide, harm/self-harm, traumatic experiences, gender/body dysmorphia etc.)
          Almost everyone relies on me so much. What if I were gone? I don't want to hurt anybody... Even if they are using me... What would they do? I hurt myself, try and rip pieces of skin off of my dumb body... I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I'm scared to fully come out to my other friends. But it hurts to be called what I feel I am not. I'm too scared to try and actually do more harm to myself in fear of the people I care about finding out. I don't want to hurt anybody. So? I'm taking a break. Maybe just for a while, 1-3 months maybe. Be safe and drink water! I'm so sorry again guys!

[2] Maybe it's other people's dumb luck, or I'm just a chicken! Maybe I'm just going insane or need therapy. I'm in so much pain. Mental and physical. I need help, I think. But I don't know. It'll probably just get worse. I've been hiding so much. I've been faking smiles, lying to people telling them I'm fine, helping others when I should be the one getting help. Isn't that how it always is? It's dumb. I'm dumb. I can't do anything right. Let alone I get yelled at by people saying I should be 'nicer'. Some teachers aren't seeing that I'm TRYING. I'm TRYING to succeed. Haven't I given enough? It hurts. Everything hurts. I'm so stressed. I'm tired almost everyday. I have been crying myself to sleep. I'm really not okay.
          I thought I could just run away from all my problems! I thought I finally was no longer insecure, modest, or self-conscious, but nope! I thought all the things people say couldn't affect me anymore. Why am I finally spilling out? I'm breaking. I may have said too much. But I don't care anymore. I couldn't hold it in, I've been piling my secrets and bottling up my emotions for so long. I can't do it anymore.
          I wanna run but I'm too weak. Everyone was right. I am stupid, I am weak, I am selfish, I am rude, I am crazy, I am annoying. Do people hate me? WELL I HATE MYSELF TOO. Part of me wants to get out of this prison I've been in for so long, but the other part just wants to fall asleep and never wake up.

[1] TW for mentions of depression/suicide, harm/self-harm, traumatic experiences, etc.
          I have an unpublished vent book that I should probably post this in instead but whatever.
          Sorry for being gone for forever guys! Things have been, well, rough. And by rough I mean my mental/physical health is terrible. I was having a mental breakdown in school. I don't know why, maybe it was because of all the people, or maybe it was just me and my stupid emotions. Either way, everything sucked. It feels like almost everyone is out to get me. But hey! That's how it always is for me! Because I have the worst luck. I'm not complaining though. Maybe a little. People tend to tell me "Wow! You must be SO lucky!" just because I was born on St. Patrick's Day. I wish! But nope. The world hates me. Always has. I finally accepted that. And for what's it worth? I'm not sure.

I'M GOING TO MY GF'S HOUSE TOMORROW AND I'M SO HAPPY

dying rn

So many things I have changed, I kind of miss the old days one way or another. Just nostalgia. It's a bit painful to think about, but I can't really tell if I miss it. A lot of trauma came from the past. I'm not sure anymore, it sometimes feels like a fever dream. Sometimes, just sometimes, I can't tell if things are real. It's weird to think about. It's hard to explain and everyone I ever told about this never really understood, I'm not sure if it's just me? A lot of questions fill my head at times, not just about this one thing, but about things I've always wondered too. Like, 'Am I the only one feeling like this?' 'Is it my fault?' 'Do I really have a choice here?', I'm still not sure. Let alone I don't even know the answers to those questions I ask myself. I feel like I should write more and not just random things. I should continue writing my fics and and Kirby oneshots. But it's always like this. Stuff always comes up. I get I wasn't the best person in the past and I'm still working on that. People usually tell me that it was in the past but it doesn't feel like that's true. It feels like yesterday. It feels like yesterday I was just born. It feels like yesterday I almost lost everything because of one stupid little thing that happened. I just don't know. I'm venting way too much lately and I don't even know if that's a bad or good thing. I'm  not taking a break. I just need time to think about things. I'm not dead, that's for sure.
          
          Make sure to drink lots of water and stay safe please!!! I care about ya guys!!!

how do you change your username, sorry im dumb. also im probably gonna make a kirby oneshot book so eh

also im in the kirby fandom. ive been in it like forever. so i might make fics on it but idk