🫂

iech liebe diech owo

you are destroying me.
          i thought u were gentle, but ur not.
          ur a narcissistic piece of shit.
          i spoke very highly of you, "oh, he wouldn't do such a thing, i'm an exception! we're fine"
          we are not.
          you make sick. i wish i would've never met you. i hope u rot in hell <3
          you hurt me so, so much and yet i still can't let you go. but i will.
          i'm distancing myself. i will no longer let u treat me like this. i know my worth and you're disrespecting me in every way possible.
          we're not meant to be. we're not compatible.
          yeah, you're fun. 
          yeah, you're hot.
          but i don't need you. u don't have any empathy left for me. and i will stop giving u the benefits of a relationship without being in one. 
          i will stop disrespecting myself and i will finally listen to my body, my mind.
          yes, it will hurt like hell.
          yes, i still love you so much. i've never loved anyone as deeply as i loved you. 
          but it's over.
          we're over.
          i will see you one last time on friday. and it will be the last day we'll see each other.
          i will miss you. i started to trust you, with my body. but it's over.
          war is over.
          it'll stop hurting eventually.
          i got this.
          i'm strong and i'll love again when i'm fully healed.
          Fuck.

seek therapy <33

hi.
          i found someone better, someone nicer.
          what can i say? it's still the same.
          i feel so fucking unlovable. 
          my feelings are eating me alive and i don't know what to do.
          should i wait? should i move on? what am i supposed to do?
          i am so fucking confused. i feel so lost.

i'm ashamed to feel this way, it's utterly ridiculous

fuck it. i'm honest.
          
          he's still on my mind & i'm not over him. 
          It's been 6 months and i'm tired.
          Tired from longing his touch, his love, his comfort.
          Tired from waiting - waiting for a message from him.
          Tired from comparing him to every fucking human i could have possibly interest in.
          All these romantic situations, all these events.
          I'm not sad, maybe desperate. But not sad.
          I don't cry, i won't say "i miss him every single day" to my friends.
          He was auch a gentle soul. his touch, his kisses, his hugs. his laugh, his words, his smile.
          there are better people. but i just can't seem to believe my own words. i'm stuck with you, but you're not stuck with me.
          my heart jumped the most when i was with you.
          it's sad. i never felt more in love, it's really sad.

bro's still ignoring my messages.. damn, grow up we're not kids anymore
          it's not that hard to say "alright" or "got it", is it?

half love, full regret

yes, unfollowing me on instagram, deleting our highlight and ignoring my message in which i said i need a break is very mature of you.. no worries, i hope u get why i need a break cuz this behaviour is just unnecessary

for my other two friends i am the perfect friend. 
          it's kinda nice to relax with them, playing minecraft and meeting up once in a while to play on my wii.
          it's very nice.