ady

I hope college will be good to us. We've been experiencing LDR for almost a year now , and I swear it is so hard for the both of us. We haven't reached our first anniversary, yet the problems we encountered are challenging our relationship. I hope we will be together again in college. Even just around manila, kahit  magkalapit lang ayos lang. Hindi ko kasi talaga kaya if we are more than a hundred kilometers apart. And what? magkikita lang kami every time uuwi ako? Tas wala pang kasiguraduhan kasi di naman kami legal sa side ko. I hate this problem.

Never in my life did I thought of opening up my wattpad account where I used to vent out everything. Now, I am opening this coz everything feels fucked up again. Bakit ba hindi ako sinuwerte sa kaibigan? Why do people need friends? Bakit wala akong kaibigan na matatawag kong "kaibigan ko"? I am so sick of being alone. I am so sick of making people enter my life just to ruin me. Takot na akong makakilala pa at magpapasok ng mga tao sa buhay ko. Pero I will always have the lingering thoughts of "ano kaya feeling ng may mga kaibigan?"

Nothing hurts more than being a disappointment and a failure. Now, I am afraid of everything. I am afraid to step forward, I am afraid to stay, and I am afraid to step backward. I am stucked in between screaming for help in the middle of my silence. I should've done well, I should've done better. It's all my fault and now I want to curse and to blame everything on myself.

I've watched the Bungee Jump episode of Going Seventeen and I really cried a lot when DK was about to jump and he kept on saying sorry to the members for waiting too long for him. I love how the other members keep on cheering up DK and how DK asks them if he can really do it. At nung tumalon na siya, all of them were really proud. I just realized that you can really overcome your fear and do things you didn't expect that you can do if you have a good support system and being surrounded by good people. I love Seventeen so much<3

I don't know why i feel so drained. Dahil ba sa mga taong nakapaligid saakin? Dahil ba sa sarili ko? Dahil ba sa sitwasyon ngayon? i don't know. I feel like everyone hates me and the only person whom I can rely on is myself and no other. Even my "bestfriends" kuno, I can't even trust them anymore  of what I feel coz' I feel like they'll just gonna see me as a dramatic person. I just feel so tired and I think my feelings are not valid.

I hope we can all see how everyone is struggling and how we should help them if kaya naman, coz we have different problems right now and all we can do is to be considerate and help them. I'm getting tired of being surrounded of all those people na ang iniisip lang sarili nila.

Decided to delete all my socmed apps coz i've been so drained and everything makes me feel so sick lately. Maybe I should focus in writing again since I find this place as my safe zone. So yeah, I know no one will see this HAHAHAHAHA just wanted to vent out all my feelings here coz I don't have someone to talk to with what I'm feeling right now.