Blitzø with silent O

words can’t describe what that post meant to me. 
          
          and I can’t even share it with anyone.
          
          Anyway :3

LITERALLY WTF JUST HAPPENED-
          
          I get home, asked if I’ve been taking my medicine (a went to the doctors friday and got blood work done ;-;) and I say yes- cause it’s true
          And then my mummy says that I’m getting a higher dosage of my pills.
          
          And then she comes up to me and she’s like “oh yeah, the lady said your animec” Or however you spells that, I’m low iron- 
          And then she proceeded to say I need to take MORE pills :,D 
          But I can’t take them in the morning cause then ittmlle fuck up my other medication so I have to take it when I get home from school 
          
          Help I don’t wanna do this shit anymore
           like I’m genuinely so tired of taking these fycking pills, going to the doctors, getting so many stufff to do.
          
          Like genuinely, I can’t do this, I have way too many health shit, i swear im just gonna stop taking them pills. 
          
          I don’t know- I don’t know I don’t knowwwhshdjdvsbdbdhd 
          I jejdsvsvdhdhdndns
          

Small convo I had with Apollo (keyboard method I just tried)
          
          Me: Lord Apollo, may you please come, I wanna test something.
          
          Apollo: Yes? I’m here.
          
          Me: Okay- do you have like.. anything you wanna say, like- anything? 
          
          Apollo: I mean- if you want I can use the method you’re trying.
          
          Me: yeah- I just wanna test it-
          
          Apollo: Mk
          
          Apollo almost the entire time (trying to do the method but keeps just telling me what he’s saying): I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.
          (Also me, hearing it, it was kinda funny) 
          
          Me: so- your saying ‘I love you?’
          
          Apollo: Yes :3
          
          Me: want me to put it on the sun? 
          
          Apollo: yes please.
          
          Me: okay, thank you, Lord Apollo for coming to me.
          
          Apollo: anytime :3
          (Also makes me put the words facing me [trying to encourage me]) 
          
          He also then held my hands and told me that he believed in me, and that stuff-
          
          Then I had the urge to check and tell wattpad this 
          (Also started crying because of @Swalalallaa ‘s very incredibly heartfelt comment)
          
          And then I was told the fact I have to do to the doctors on Friday ,’,(
          
          
          
          
          

TW: Su1cidal shit.
          
          I’m actually so don’t with my whole group chat and I hate myself for that.
          
          I blocked the gc and I silenced two of the people who were in there, except two others I actually genuinely trust will try not hurting me. Though they don’t really know what I’ve been through, not really any of them do, and I don’t blame them for that. But I do trust the two of them.
          
          honestly I’ve been done all day, so this whole thing, yeah, it’s not going well. I’m honestly getting a whole lot more su1cidal, and I honestly am really really trying to (and getting tired of trying to) not lash out. I’m scared to see my friends tomorrow. I don’t even want to speak to the two I didn’t silence. 
          I just can’t anymore. I’m trying. I really am.
          
          I’m not good at communication, theres reasons for that. I hate that I can’t communicate, it’s one of my biggest issues (and maybe, one of my biggest fears). 
          I’m sorry.
          
          I know I’ve lashed out a bit last year. And I don’t wanna repeat the past, im on the verge of tears like any moment rn, and i don’t wanna do this anymore, so goodnight.

soooooooo….
          New chapter is out—?? Maybe idk 
          

Me: oooohh I like this (it was a clear candle, picked it up and it was for christian stuff)
          *box falls* 
          Box: Health shit and medical
          Apollo: PUT THE CANDLE DOWN.
          Me: ohh.. never mind I don’t..
          *continues to see 777* 
          
          IM SORRY IT LOOKED COOL FROM AFAR

I just got a justice (the death note musical) edit with Stolas 

Not having the urge to literally block everyone and disappear.

CAN ANYONE SEE MY DRAFTS??

IM GONNA FLIP MY THING JUST GOT DELETED AND MY MOM HAD A PENTAGRAM ON HER FUCKING NECKLACE WHAT DO I DO.
          
          I’m being so serious right now.
          My mother has a pentagram on her necklace. 
          JSGWHEHEGEG 
          she’s talked to the dead before- now a fucking pentagon. WHAT NEXT?? 
          ITS NOT LIKE SHE TALKS TO ME.
          
          NO ALL HER STORIES AND SHIT GO TO TIKTOK AND NOT HER KIDS.
          
          WTF DO I DO- MY MOM HAS A PENTAGON ON HER NECKLACE
          
          IS IT POSSIBLE TO STILL HE CHRISTIAN AND HAVE THOSE STUFF?? LIKE GENUINELY IM SO SERIOUS PLEASE.