h_erxin

I’m sorry for being gone a long time. I really didn’t mean to leave you all for so long, especially when I have two ongoing projects on this profile. Now, I know you’re all tired of my excuses, but my life has been wild these past months. Something related to a private matter has been subconsciously ruining everything I’ve been working toward, and this is something I need to take seriously. 
          
          I haven’t touched creative writing in about a month. Maybe a couple of words, but that’s really it. Reading has been bad too. I feel terrible, like my spark has finally been drained of fuel. The good news is that I wrote 246 words of Chapter Six for Bound By Honor yesterday. Now I know that isn’t a big number, but I was really proud of myself for writing that much. It almost brought me to tears, and the fact that I enjoyed what I was writing really said something: I’m just severely burnt out. My spark hasn’t been drained; it lies beneath the surface of my mental exhaustion. I just need to find a way to break this never-ending cycle. 
          
          I can’t make any more promises, but I am doing my best.

Apologies for not updating either of my ongoing projects; I’ve been busy with an original work. I posted the first two chapters on my second Wattpad profile. If you’d like to check it out? I know it’s a long shot that anyone would even pick it up, but it would mean a great deal to me if you’d give it a chance! The title is Shattered Touch, and it’s about Arlo Everly, a twenty-one-year-old college student who suffers a great fear of touch from a trauma he experienced. He has bad drinking habits, having started indulging in alcohol during his senior year of high school. I won’t spill much about the story, but I think you must know that the MMC is thirty-two and Arlo’s professor. Yeah… The Professor X Student trope got to me because of Rina Kent's Kiss The Villain. Get it over with, shame me. Anyway, if you’re interested, I’ll at my second profile so you can check it out. 
          
          Depending on how far this story goes, I might be taking a break from Fanfiction. No need to fret! This doesn’t mean I’m leaving you guys to write my originals, just means I’ll be taking a while to update and come up with new ideas. 
          
          Love you all <3
          
          @fycki__   is my second profile!

Chapter Five of Bound By Honor is almost finished!

I subconsciously knew I was going to spiral out of control one day, after spending literal HOURS writing every day for years after the passing of my cat, my best friend. That was when my writing took off. Diamond(my cat) passed away in August of 2021, right around the time of Mafia’s Husband. I suppose it was a sort of escapism. But this perfectionism and inner critic are killing my creative flow, and I am absolutely fed up. I need discipline and to learn to shut up my inner critic. If anyone has any tips for free writing without concern or overanalysis, please reach out to me. I would sincerely appreciate it <3
          
          Please believe me. I am trying so hard—not just for you all, but for myself as well.

Bout to binge read your works 

This announcement may appear to you as me being “dramatic”. 
          
          I’ve been struggling so badly over the past few months. I may have gotten a chapter out for Reckless Behavior, but my other projects remain untouched. The struggle to write is infuriating, and forcing it out does nothing but aggravate my brain fog. It’s a sickness. This sickness has infected my roots, shoving my creativity deep into a corner I cannot reach. A ravine the size of an ocean sits between me and my success. No matter what I do to solve this problem of not being able to cross this obstacle and return to my creativity, it all ends the same way. I’m back to reminiscing and admiring what I used to be with my writing, and that cruel, saddening thought crosses my mind: “What if my writing days are over?” The fact that I truly fear this to be the case tells me that I’m just stuck, that my love for writing hasn’t diminished. I have so many stories to tell, so many thoughts and ideas to spill onto a fresh document, but my creativity is just too far away to make a compelling work of art. The fantasizing has never stopped. I just struggle to put words into a document and feel good about my work. 
          
          Give me a little more time… And if anyone was wondering, no, I’m not removing my ongoing works (aside from maybe TBT because I’m actively rewriting it). Bound By Honor and Reckless Behavior have so much potential, and I refuse to set them aside, only to be forgotten.

4 months since my last update on Bound By Honor. But fret no more because chapter four has been published! It took a very long time because I couldn’t figure out how to move beyond the ending of chapter three, so I had to come up with something else instead of the party situation. I realized that’s what was stressing me out, so I came up with a new approach. It turned out pretty good, though, if I do say so myself. <3

Y’all… I’m lowkey on the verge of tears. The revised version of DH has reached the 10k mark from the Prologue to Chapter Five. You may be thinking Why is it a big deal? I’ll tell you. I’ve been struggling so badly for the past year or two to feel good about a story and reach a certain word count. I’ve cried over the fact that I never seemed to stick to a story, losing the connection I had once felt in the beginning. But now? Who knew the rewrite of DH would be my savior? I feel so close to this story that when I get up in the morning, my first thought is to get back to writing. 
          
          Now, to celebrate my milestone… I present to you Reckless Behavior! I will be publishing early, and I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it. <3

Hey y’all! I KNOW it has been FOREVER since a chapter was uploaded for either ongoing story, and just a forewarning, I may remove FS because I just don’t connect with it anymore. I have a lot on my plate mentally, though they are private matters, and I just can’t write about mental illnesses while I’m in this state. But TBT and BBH will be staying while I work on a lil surprise for you all, want a lil hint? It’s been long-awaited since I reworked the description of Devil’s Heat. 
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          If you guessed that I’m finally writing the reworked version of DH, then you are correct! I have a few chapters ready to publish, but first, I must write till Chapter Ten to know that I am serious about this. I think the motivation has come back to playfully bite me in the ass since I got this new adjustable height standing desk with LEDs and a monitor stand. Now I feel like a hot-blooded professional writer <3 Anyhoo, I will be updating BBH in the meantime while I write the reworked DH. 
          
          Again, I’m so sorry for being inconsistent, and I’m over the moon grateful to those of you who stayed to bear with me. Continue being my little rays of sunshine! 
          
          Also, I’m gatekeeping the title until further notice. :>

Hey, I noticed you said you were taking a break a month ago so I don't want to stress this!! but are you gonna rewrite " devil's heat " I remember reading the rewrite so I'm just asking?