I am a transwoman. I transitioned 20 years ago. In these stories I find important the inner contemplation about true self and a boyrole. Are you making a role like acting Santa Claus every day in your life or finding something truly yours in the frames of a girl. I would love to read that. 

I was a girl trapped in the boy roles. Some can handle dual roles but the majority of people are either boys or girls. But is is not about roles only. My soul rot in my male frame. I have masculine and feminine side in me. But I was afraid of being feminine me because I compartmentalized those roles and my everyday life things into genders like the divided Berlin in my childhood. I secretly crossdressed in my mother's clothes and envied my female cousins. As well as my classmates. In childhood one thing separated me from boys. I had gynecomastia and a big butt. My mother bought me girl's jeans and I was bullied and isolated at school. I was read as a girl often.

It is about identity, what is the color of your beacon.

I became a father but I did not feel like a father though it was the greatest moment in my life. That parenthood opened my flood gates. Every woman the street as well as commercials with women reminded me of what I was left without. I had to seek professional help. So I was admitted to NHS trans investigation. I made almost every psychological test that exists. I was throughoutly screened. And I was diagnosed with F64.0 Transsexual

My operation in 2009 changed profoundly my stance towards gender roles. I do not question my gender although I like gardening and using tools. I do not want to be a stereotypical woman. But if I went to cheerleading I would definitely wear a skirt. As much as I wear rubber boots while doing dirt job in my garden. 

So it was like getting missing pieces to my identity puzzle. A conundrum solved. No need to dress in order to get the feeling that this is me. I know now it is me all the time.

Ash blonde, gray green eyes, light olive skin