ordinarygirl

Thanks for the follow~

Again. Here I am. Same. No progress. Plus be a burden. Want to be heard. But you deserves it to be here. It's who you are. Your fate to be alone. Far from people. No one care. If suicide it's the way I can take, that's the way that I will choose now. But I'm not encourage enough to be there yet. Right now, to release what I'm feel, I'm just cry. Alone. Without sound. Silently cry. I don't contact my family or friends, know I'm only be a burden or make them worry on nothing. I'm okay, please, I'm okay

Alone, always alone. They said I'm not alone and always be there for me. But, on the other side, I'm always alone by myself and they think it's okay to leave me alone. Because that's how I am. Always alone.

I thought I'm not going to be depressed again,  be compare, weak, bad, cry over it. I thought I'm won't be offended, because yahh, what they said to me,  it's true after all, I'm not grateful enough to be part of their life.  If other parents or family, they will abandon me long time ago because of my behavior. How I wish to gone or disappear from their life, so that I don't be a burden to them, annoying them, hurt them, make them like a slaves, I'm never thought that way, but that's how they see me in their eyes. 

You know why people be friends with you because you clever, in others words, if you dumb, no wants one to friends with you. 
          
          You are so boring, change seat with me. Next,  she talking with friends beside me before, and ignore me. 
          
          You are not fun, boring
          
          Your sister people can't speak ill about her,  she can't take it
          
          Your sister could ignore or make face towards people she doesn't like
          
          In university, I see true people, when you can't benefits them,  they can ignore, throw you
          
          I don't have anyone,  my worst is when I'm in university, then I change to share with my brother
          
          That's just university, when you work,  there are more pressure, in other words,  what you feelings is not worth to be share, unimportant. 
          
          You just weak
          
          My mother said,  you just weak,  when you do only little things you always complain is hurt. Your feelings, hurt, not worth to be shared again
          
          I'm said otherwise, my friends also complain the same thing I do,  I just wants to share, to be heard
          
          Again,  I'm be ignored
          
          My feelings is so hurt,  I'm search for my best friends,  calling her,  she heard me,  she wants to beat for everyone that hurts me. 
          
          I'm thankful for that time. 
          
          
          
          

3 weeks left until my graduation day. Truthfully I don't want to attend the ceremony. Nothing change about besides I'm getting fatter than before. I'm not getting a job yet, no license car yet, I'm far behind all my friends. Most of them had license, job and some of them getting enhanced. Lucky for them to find someone so fast and spend the rest of their life with the person who the love. But I'm still same.  No progress, no getting better, I'm think I'm getting worse. Burden my parents, my brother, because I'm still not able to be independent. Sometimes, I'm feel I'm should disappear so that I'm not hurt or burden anyone or getting hurt. 

When someone share their problems or thoughts,  it is because they are trust you. Don't break their trust towards you with your judgements but courage them to become better person.  Say to them you are good enough!  Don't care about anyone who says you bad or you can't do it!  Say to them that you be there,  talk to them and help them when they need you.  Once you break their trust with your judgements,  you lost you precious one.  They will keep their problems within them and until they can't keep with it,  they will go forever. 

Thank for the follow~