hanbanana46

ive actually come up with with the sickest tabaxi design!! their name i glitch *insert something cos i havent done this yet*

hanbanana46

having 4 true friends after having so many is such a difference but idek if they are my friends cos theyre i never see them but out of everyone two of them are the only ones who still talk to me and one of them is a new friends S, K, C & C. i mean at least i know who was a real friend cos they stuck with me trhough all my mental health problems and leaving school i am still in the gc i dont really talk but its nice to just watch some people would say i got out worse but i think i got out just fine and ive been getting better

hanbanana46

genuinely changing to online school has been one of the most positive things to happen in my life recently even though it came from a bad place i know im not on the up but it feels like im not at rock bottom anymore

hanbanana46

even though ive lost most of my friends i still have my dog (and the family dog) and hes the only true friend i have now a days hes my lil guy
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hanbanana46

when you look back and realise how fuckin mentally ill you were the embarrassment is crazy but also give that girly a hug they were going through it  internalised homophobia is a bitch same with the symptoms of personality disorders

hanbanana46

also idrc who sees this go ahead read it i only care about someeeee people for one bit (internalised homophobia)
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hanbanana46

this message may be offensive 
one more thing to add is i was really fucking lonely and i know for a fact that fuelled most of it i get really jealous really easily which is a whole other thing so anytime i would see something good happen to another person it would be like remembered and stored away and i know i had lots of amazing friends but my brain kept trying to push them away even if i knew they were my friends
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hanbanana46

my life wasnt that hard i couldve had it worse and sure i couldve had it better but that still doesnt ever give me the excuse to be as much of an absolute dickhead that i was and even if you didnt see me as such i did and i could go back and tell you a time i was a dickhead and a terrible friend anyway rant pretty much over in summary i was a dickhead do i think ive changed no do i think ive grown however yes
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