charlie friend

Hey online school has me down because it's not easy to do anything and I keep distracting myself because reasons

Hey long time no see I have no inspiration at the moment and I feel like In drifting away from everything and everyone so it might be a while before I update anything

This is kind of a rant but a happy one
          
          My friends are so nice and I don't deserve them, my twin, Fred is so nice he always tries to be there for me and when I need him he is a special kind and sweet then there's ray who is so kind and nice and we like a lot of the same stuff and get along well and they are there for me. Then there's Vic who is an absolute crackhead but they are always there for me and are willing to talk to me a lot and also made it clear if we're not friends forever they will kill me. Then Holly who is the baby of the group and is so nice I RP with them nearly every day and we also get along with them. Then there's Ace who is amazing and deserve the world and so do all of my friends but Ace has been there for me thought a lot and we've had to deal with a lot of drama and I mean a lot. Then we have Kaylee who is very kind and don't mind listening to me rant. Then we have my sister who is nice and tries her best to be nice and her reason for this is she knows there are enough bad people in the world and she doesn't want to be one of them. Then we have Maddie who is drifting away but she is nice still but yeah my friends are so awesome if any of you see this I love all of you.

Warning rant
          
          So recently I met my father you may be confused about what I mean by met well he pre ted to be dead for thirteen years so my entire life and he turned out to be a bastard so I have lost contact with him again and to be honest I'm happy about it should I be sad is it weird to be happy I cut my dad off

I guess this goes without saying but warning Vent post
          
          I guess I'm always trying to help others even when I feel like a piece of crap because I want others to be happy even when I hate myself. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend because he made me feel unsafe and scared I tried to do it in the nicest way possible I told him I still want to be friends as I've known him for three years and he called me selfish and toxic and I feel so bad and I'm not sure if I did the right thing. As well as that I'm the mother of the group so I have to look out for everyone and make sure they're all safe and happy and it takes a toll on me but I don't want to tell any of my friends this because I don't want them to feel bad and even though I have a friend who I tell everything I sometimes feel like they know nothing about me even though I know they do and no matter what I do it's never good enough no matter how hard I try Im not good enough. My friends always tell me that I'm a good person but I don't think I am because of all the problems I've caused others and all I want to do is help people and I just tend to make there probably worse I mean they would probably be better if they didn't know me. I don't know I guess it's just right now I feel so alone like no one ever wants to talk to me and no matter how hard I try it's like a black pit has swallowed me whole and I can't get out and all I want is for someone to reach into the black hole and pull me out because I don't know what I'll do if I spend one more day curled up on my floor in tears.

Is it normal to feel so fat because all of your friends and everyone you know is so skinny and one of them boast about how they're probably gonna be a model because there skinny and have that perfect hourglass figure and your boyfriend is so handsome and you feel all alone like no one ever sees you and you don't want to tell anyone because you don't wanna drag them down because you're the mom friend who helps everyone and your so scared that all your friends are gonna abandon you

Warning rant
          
          This Bitch called Courtney faked her won death from cancer had a funeral date set and everything so I had to break the news to my friends I almost lost one of my closest friends because I told then Courtney was dead the next day I find out it was all a bullshit lie everything she had said was a bullshit lie so I went to tell my friend only to find out they had tried killing themself and I panicked and told his GF then their mother was angry because his mother fought I had been spreading a rumour which I wasn't I thought Courtney was dead and yes this is the same person who lied about cancer.

Warning rant!
          
          I went shopping with my mum who had online vouchers but they didn't work so she began screaming at me in the shop people we're looking but no one helped. I was in heels and was panicking and had to hold on to something to hold myself up I was hyperventilating and felt so bad I almost had a panic attack and I was catching my breath my mother made me pack everything up and then said I was slow and stupid and idle and then continued to scream at me all the way home

Yo found out my dad isn't dead and my friend doesn't have cancer because she lied

So yeah my friend just got called by her doctor she has a 7% survival rate of her cancer and she said the one thing she would miss was anime I'm worried about her