So I think I've finally figured it out. I am like a math problem that nobody can figure out. It's so confusing and hard and eventually you just say screw it, you get up and walk away. And maybe you'll come back once in a while to test the waters again. When you find it is still hard you eventually walk away forever. Especially if it's not for a grade and in this case it's not. You don't get graded on whether or not you walk away.. Your free to go anytime. But it was that last spark of curiosity that got you. I'm like that function. I am the number that substitutes x. I fill in your missing holes but once your equation is solved there's no need for me. I become worthless again and eventually I fade away bc you don't need me anymore. I think I'm on the verge of becoming that x.