M E I N

Once was filled with words now filled with so much silence, it’s deafening.
          

Never again expect something to lessen the devastation. Everything that is outside of you is out of your control. 
          When words of love did not come out as you want, state those words to yourself instead.
          When actions of care did not show, give those deeds to yourself lovingly.
          
          It’s not selfishness, it’s you giving yourself grace.
          

You are the luck that I wait after the strings of misfortune.

I was so focused on controlling the darkness of my clouds that I forgot I already showered rain on to others.

A core memory: left alone, where no one remembers. 

I realized when I sing heartbroken songs it soothes me. Not because of my lover (we are happy!) but because I can express the sadness inside me.

I know I'm destined for a greater good in the future,
          But why it seems so hard to live in the present?

I am a mess inside, my heart weighs heavier than a boulder. Am I still the right person to you?

It's cloudy, it's hazy, it's heavy, it's unbearable, it's unexplainable, and lonely.

Wondering what it feels like to be a top priority, wherein I can be selfish at least once in my life.