I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind. 
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Hi! I joined Wattpad mainly cuz people on Quizup(I'm PJ on there) were uploading their OC's stories, and I wanted to read theirs and write one for Heathersplash! 

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest. 
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.	
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
So what if I don't know what apocalypse means!? It's not the end of the world!
The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.	
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
I tried to eat a clock. It was time consuming.
I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

Sorry, but not sorry. 
Ir you really know me, you know I laugh at puns and I will tell them to you too. XD