I never wanted to do anything anymore. 
-That was a point in my life. 

I think it was the most important point because, this lead to a lot of overwhelming sadness.

I mean we all get sad. But this was all at once.

It was also necessary so that I know for certain that I shouldn't chase happYness in this life because I will never be happy as this life is temporary.

Anything temporary would not bring happYness, maybe some peace momentarily and that's really important to know.

But that's basic stuff, everybody knows that but we deny.

But the greatest thing or a blessing, my best blessing in my eyes is through this sadness and what I thought of wasting days because I was literally just in my room. I was afraid to be in anybody's presence; so uncomfortable. My best friend, my mom was a stranger to me.

"What's wrong with him" they would say. "He's mad... ever since..." he and she and they would reply all the while I was in their presence faking to use my laptop while laying with chapped lips staring into the screen.

There is no humanity.

5 years would go by to which I thought I was wasting my days and how I would answer to how I spent my youth.

I didn't know I was being blessed at the time. It's really hard to think positive in those moments.

Someone was to come. I had prayed everyday. For someone. Sometimes 5 times a day during the mandatory prayers which are dawn, noon, afternoon, sunset and night. 

And sometimes extra too. The ones before dawn.
I would cry. Nobody knew I would cry.
I still cry, during the nights while I'm alone.
Nobody needs to know.
I feel at peace. That was the only way.
But then...

I met her.

The 5 years in bed? 
Those aren't wasted anymore.
I had prayed. It was her. She was my prayer. 
I had to wait 5 years. The struggles are worth it all.
The sweetness after it is indescribable.
Sure, we still struggle.

I met her
and she met me.

My character limit has reached.
I want to say more,

but only to
her.