Okay

I feel empty 
          Do you ever just think, 
          About how we're all going to die one day then what, what's going to happen , what's it going to feel like? Like what the fuck

I hate my life

I remember one time in freshman or sophomore year of high school I made some mini pancakes for lunch along with maple syrup to glaze over it and when everyone else at the table saw/smelled what I had they asked for a bite and I said “sure why not” because they’re my friends y’know?
After all 6-ish of them devoured my entire lunch they said I should make some more for tomorrow. (They didn’t apologize for eating my lunch btw. Luckily we were having a potluck in one of my classes that same day)
So I did. I woke up an hour earlier (4 am) than I usually did to make lunch for me and my friends. But instead of bringing maple syrup (because we were out of it) I brought honey. 
And guess what?
THOSE FUCKERS LOOKED AT ME IN DISGUST AND WOULDN’T EAT THE FUCKING FOOD. IN FACT, THEY COMPLAINED AND GUILTED ME ALL LUNCH ABOUT HOW THEY WERE SOOOO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOOD AND HOW I SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO THEM FOR SCREWING IT UP. THOSE FUCKERS WEREN’T JOKING EITHER. 
FUCK YOU PEOPLE. I WOKE UP A 4 AM TO MAKE THAT FOOD. YOU DIDN’T EVEN CARE WHEN I STARTED CRYING EITHER BECAUSE YOU MADE ME FEEL SO SHITTY ABOUT MYSELF. FUCK. YOU!!!!!
          And that is one reason why I choose to not have numerous friends. So you fuckers who say I should make more friends should fuck off.
          

I’m denial when it comes to people asking me if I’m alright.
          "How are you?" They ask.
          "Oh I’m great, I’m fine. Happier than ever." I reply.
          "Really? Are you sure? you don’t seem to happy."
          "No, no I’m fine I swear."
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          Little taste of my new story coming out soon 

“You called me at three in the morning and before I could speak you said, “listen, I’m sad and you’re sad and I wanna be with you and I think maybe we can make each other happy.” And I told you that it doesn’t work like that, because I am the ocean and you’re an anchor, you’ll drown in me and I think it’d really fucking hurt to have you plunge through my skin and crash into my bones. When you find me in the bathroom dripping in blood, you’re going to hate yourself for not being able to fix me and then you’re going to hate me for making you feel like that. And when you take too many pills because you couldn’t fall asleep and everything hurt, I’m going to find myself screaming and crying and shaking until you finally wake up and I’ll be mad at you for scaring me like that and mad at myself for falling apart again. I love you, but I can’t be with you, because I’m on fire and I think you are too and we’ll just create something too big for either of us to put out.”
          I love you but I can’t be with you.

I am going to write a story...not like anyone cares but.