Joanne

I've been focusing on my art this year.
          
          Just like with everything else I've done, it's been a massive failure.
          
          And I don't know if I have it in me to write anything anytime soon, but I guess I'll see. I've been through my fair share of frustration and deception over the last  couple years so maybe I can start there.
          
          As far as JMU ("Jikanime Motori Universe") is concerned, the story preview is still accessible on my linktree. Unfortunately no one's asked for access to the story link itself.
          
          I just wish that my work was appreciated and shared. Is that too much to ask?
          
          I don't think so.
          
          All the work I've done over the years has just felt pointless. Video editing,  filming, writing, art.
          
          I just want to be employed with my own income so I'm not a wasteful burden and also for myself. That's my wish for 2026.
          
          I mean I'd never do s** work because it's risky and dangerous (plus I'm hideous) but at the same time, I can understand why some women would want to use that option, even as a side hustle. When you're down on your luck and desperate to escape your situation, you'll do anything.
          
          Or I could just run into traffic and save myself the agony of a hopeless life.
          
          But I'm not that far gone.
          
          Yet.

"Jikanime Motori" PREVIEW: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TibuxjPOImG1ROM4psK0xyw3_dzbBuWrqLAQlXDbGSI/edit?usp=sharing

UPDATE
          
          I decided to change tactics with my time travel fiction draft "Jikanime Motori."
          
          If anyone wants to read a PREVIEW of it, you can go to my linktree.
          
          From there, anyone can decide what they want to do next.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/376562287?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=kiapoetry_
          
          Give it a try, if you have some spare time>>>>

(I'll delete this at some point don't worry.)
          
          I had a scary dream last night which has now made me aware of my own mortality. Not that I was unaware of it before, but now I'm thinking about it. Which is great, since I'm flying to the state with Seattle today, so thank you to my brain for that. It's just what I needed.
          
          Anyway, I just wanted to wish everyone a good day today. And as morbid as it is to say, remember that you too are also mortal. So even though it's hard, it's best to tell or show people you care about them.
          
          Just ask yourself if you can live the rest of your life not saying anything. And if so, do you think you'll ever regret it?
          
          We can lie for a while, but sometimes the universe will force the truth out.

"Nothing is impossible."
          
          Ignoring the obvious things that are literally impossible, I find this statement to be overly optimistic and untrue.
          
          A lot of things are impossible no matter how badly you wish for them.
          
          I guess that's why the word "miracle" exists.

I've been feeling depressed with no desire to write lately so here's a sad story based on the abvse my own father put me through as a kid.
          
          (The abvse of power is emotional so no warnings are needed.)
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/1372020931-you%27re-so-lucky-chapter-1

I'm just fast-forwarding through my life at this point.
          
          I stay up all night and wake up in the late afternoon.
          
          I started doing it because of the summer heat.
          
          But then I stopped wanting to get out of bed when my alarm went off.
          
          Yes, I know this is depression.
          
          But it was a long time coming.
          
          All the things I've tried to do to give me some sort of future have been massive failures.
          
          My future is hopeless.
          
          Now I just wanna be left alone with the few people who care about me, food, and fiction.
          
          I just don't have the energy anymore.

Boring Unimportant News:
          
          I updated my profile pic yesterday. I made it on Gradient a long time ago (back when the app actually let people do it). I like it because it has a "storybook cover" feel to it, but I also dislike it because it makes me look 1000x better than I actually do.
          
          Even if I look okay in real life, my mouth moves lazily when I speak, my teeth are oddly-shaped (yes I had braces, I also floss daily and brush at least twice a day), my hair doesn't suit me, my hands are too big for my short height (I'm 5'2," actual 5'2," not 5'0" with 2 inches added) and my skin is not clear. I do wash my face, but I can't afford a more extensive skin care routine.
          
          Additionally, I really hate the fact that I look and sound so childish.
          
          (¬_¬)
          
          A wider mouth (to have a better smile with my ugly wide nose and to help with annoying dental visits, particularly with x-rays and treatments), clear skin, and a good hairstyle would probably make me feel like an adult. At the very least, more confident, especially among peers.
          
          I honestly think that I look and sound like a clueless middle school student.
          
          Being generally uninterested in certain intimate activities doesn't help either.
          
          I also have Tokophobia with no desire to be responsible for human children so pregnancy is a no-no for me.
          
          Of course, I don't want to exaggerate anything because I don't like the thought of having to "prove" that I'm an adult (drinking, swearing, naked intimacy), but a few tweaks to my appearance and skills would be nice.
          
          I should watch some "How To Drive" videos on YouTube. That's an adult thing I can probably learn. And the best part? Unlike drinking, swearing and naked intimacy, it's not performative. Driving would bring me one step closer to being self-sufficient which is a very adult thing.
          
          But other drivers...
          
          And cops with unpredictable and scary reactions...
          
          -_-
          
          Well, it's something for me to think about anyway.

Hello, everyone!
          
          Hope you're all doing okay.
          
          I'm currently in an "Earth viewed from space" mood, so I've just been on Reddit, browsing r-space for pics and stuff.
          
          I also created this playlist on my fandom edit YouTube awhile back for Science-y stuff, ha ha.
          
          I have a variety of videos added on there, but it's mostly space-related.
          
          Feel free to watch if you're interested.
          
          ^_^
          
          https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJvnaVVm6-4mk-3Vy3FHKyGPWstqlKH3V