hobi_buns
this message may be offensive
I know this isn't I diary- and those I once spoke with are no longer active on here, but this place holds memories of those who were my friends. Now I'm 18, a legal adult. It's a little weird, I've changed a lot in just a single year. I used to be anxious of talking to others and going out in public. But now I go to the mall by myself and hold a convo with random people. But my personality is nothing like what it was before, I'm not as kind because others had proven themselves to be unworthy of my kindness- now I only trust a few people. I feel cold now.
I got a boyfriend but he fucked me over. Used me for sex and broke up with me 2 days before Valentine's. Harassed me over text when I destroyed his room out of pure hate after he led me on and fucked 3 other girls. Let him take advantage of me two more times after we broke up. Love is blind. It's terrifying. A part of me knew that it was a bad idea- but I did it anyway. I'm now healed, but he was my first true love, and your first is something you never forget. I don't miss him, but I miss what we had and I ache to experience that again.
I lost my ESA Zouk in November, I don't think I'll ever recover from that one. His presence is still in the house, and his ash box sits in my room. I got another dog 2 months after, but my mom got rid of him, and now I'm typing this out while two kittens sit on my lap. Life is weird.
I got a car and my driver's license. But $500 a month is kinda hard to pay, but so far I've never missed a payment, even when I was unemployed for 2 weeks.
As for my mental health? It's still shit, but with the power of makeup and finally being about to buy the shit that I want? It's doing a lot better. The ability to realize that I can spend my own money however I want is terrifying and powerful.
I prob won't write on here again for a while, maybe another update next year lol. I hope everyone stays safe, and I hope you have a great year.
