sometimes it's difficult to remember that first and foremost i write for myself. the rest is just a happy extra. the thing of it is - posting makes me uncomfortable, and that's exactly why i do it. i fear the recognition, but i hate being fearful more. it gets frustrating though when i post because i go through a weird spiral that's anything but pleasant. there's a back and forth of not wanting to be seen yet wanting feedback. i get stuck in the fear of desiring affirmation and wanting to remain invisible. i hate it. but the only way to get past it is to actually go through it...which is hard.
ignore me, i'm going through an existential crisis.