✝𝗕𝗜𝗚 𝗕𝗘𝗔𝗥✝

Looking at my previous posted messages...
          Honestly wtf I was so emo (≧▽≦)

Back on Wattpad reading my lil space bookies aaahhhh I feel smol again >~<

Do you know how long I haven't regressed?!?!
          *Pouts* for a long time :< can someone pway wif me and cuddles :)

I'm back here again to pour out my misery hehe :) my ex commented on my friends new ig post... She had a tank top folded like a crop top showing her flat stomach, she had such a beautiful waist and just a body in general, she was sexy dancing lol not too hard tho just a little lip sync and standing lookin cute and shiz a bit of hip rolling and then she dropped down went back up flipping her hair back, sliding her hands up her hands up her leg like a sexy girl group Kpop performance and it was very attractive I thought it was nice I was gonna comment until I saw his comment...  A heart emoji :( it brought me pain and made me jealous that he likes that stuff and Because Im super chubby and un proportioned with skinny legs and no ass and a big stomach and big boobs I felt like I couldn't give him the body he liked and thats why he didn't like me anymore besides my little space which I think he got over and didn't like 

also it's just... Ever since I moved into Grandma's I have done nothing but gained weight when really my goal was to lose weight and shape my body into and hour Glass, but ended up encouraging my skinny legs and big body looking like and apple then my double chin is back which I had lost but oof it's back and my neck is thick and my friends always point out that the back of my neck is too big and fat I got the credit card swiping, debit or credit headass neck and ugh my body is so unhealthy, I eat junk food and I don't exercise, really it's bad for your body and I'm disappointed in my self lol I don't wanna be skinny and anorexic yk I just wanna look good to prove that I'm the shit that I'm bad asf but now I'm a potato... I feel like if I was more good looking he wouldn't have left me and if I was more mature instead acting like a baby in little space it kills me I thought he would stay forever or support me or encourage :(
          Now I lost taste in my birthday that's in 13 days I'm so tired and done with myself and my grandma always complain Abt my health and she does nothing but feed me junk and keep me inside she says I eat bad food but that's what she feeds me and when I go outside I'm told to go back in cuz ugh omfg I can't do this ending anymore I'm gonna start eating fruit for lunch and breakfast and staying away from meat and heavy shit and greasy shit and then have a 1 hr exercise every night cuz I'm embarrasing myself :/

Here I lay in bed stuck in my head
          With thoughts and words I wish was never said
          Thoughts that trample, taunt, and eat me up
          At this point I had enough yet I give up
          I feel defeated as I shed my tears in bed
          I believe I just lost a battle with fear
          Quarrel with my pessimistic side
          Why must it be like this? why must I suffer?
          Mostly why must I watch my love ones suffer?
          Is this is it? Is this life? I'm good then I'm bad
          I'm happy then I'm sad oh isn't that life
          Feeling like I'm winning and then I lose
          I'm so tired I'm very exhausted and done
          I cry because Im just so done and it's so sad
          But what must I do? Go on with life like it never happens? I do that every time and I always hope there isn't a next :) ofc there's a next but it's whatever it doesn't matter I'll just sit
          I'll ride the wave and rock the with the waves
          Through storms and silent days it's all I can do
          
          Rant/poem - 4/11/19 - 10:56
          

I miss being someone's baby :(
          Can a lovely girl please claim me
          All FUCKING ready pretty pwease

Days past and I got over him... Sometimes he pops in my mind sometimes people talk to me abt his dumbness... I feel bad :( my friend told me that he's been bipolar recently and I hope he feels better soon :) but I'm just gonna focus on myself yk cuz I'm more important I come first

I can type anything I want here without announcing it which is great I can relieve myself :)
          
          COULD YOU BELIEVE BRYAN BROKE UP WITH ME?!? Who fucking does that. How do you attract me, talk abt only wanting me and giving me all the attention, earning my trust, putting my gaurds down and loving the real me, but suddenly you disappear and ignore me for a week and when u finally come back you break up with me like it was nothing. You didn't even break up with me properly, you fucking pulled the "can I show you a magic trick" on me. That hurt so much and the next day I see you going to class with a smile on your face. That beautiful smile that used to be mine isn't for me anymore. I don't understand how you can say we have something special yourself and then throw what we had away so easily after 2 months. I'm so mad that you played with me like that. Was this all just a game? I don't even know if our relationship was genuine or not with how you threw me away. You can't even look at me anymore. I don't even know anymore. Since you don't care i don't care either. If the break up was nothing to you it's nothing to me. Lol with this whole passage I did it does show that I truly do care but who said I couldn't wear a mask  I can play pretend :)

sighs... me sad gay rn :(