hotandcoldsoup
This is a letter to my future self, the future me who might have escaped at least some of our current problems. This letter is for you, but don't mistake this for a time capsule, don't mistake this for something to be buried for the next five years or so before it can be opened, because I know you will visit this, which is why I'm writing this here. You visit your message board every once in a while and you see the past; I know you see it.
This is a letter, yes, but it's also a reminder, an encouragement for all of my intermediate future selves who will encounter this letter every time their eyes glance past this message board and feel something that will help them walk the path in order to become YOU; the final me after which this letter will become yet another memory. Now, memories are both good and bad, which is why this letter serves another purpose — to ensure that this letter itself becomes a good memory when left behind to finally be buried.
hotandcoldsoup
I hope you know how much it hurts right now and how much I wish I could skip to the part where I become you. I know becoming you would take a lot of effort and it won't solve all of the problems but I want to try. I want to try and not give up, even if things get hard. I hope I do this enough so that this trait becomes innate for you. I hope you've forgotten how it felt when your dad said "it is what it is" and "what more could we have done". I hope you have forgotten the smiles he gave you so you could have hope again. I hope you gave him a real smile, one where you're the one giving him hope. Screw hope. I hope you give him a smile that he carries for a long time. One of pride. I hope you've forgotten how guilty you felt when you told your brother about the money and how he managed to make you feel so at ease. I hope you've forgotten how hard you cried that night. I do hope that you remember to cherish him. I hope you're earning enough, enough to pay him back with things that he postponed for you. I hope you've forgotten how you didn't want to cut the call just so you could escape reality for a little bit longer. I hope you've forgotten how sad and hopeless and worthless you've felt these days. I hope you've forgotten how much you wanted to be invisible, so you wouldn't have to look at everyone's face and expect disappointment and instead be met with hopeful smiles. I hope you've forgotten what it felt like to be the sibling upon whom money had to be spent which could've been saved. I hope you overwrite all of these feelings and incidents with a very big achievement. I hope you're the best in your profession, one of the best ones out there. I hope that you're happy. I hope that you've made it. I'm desperate to see that you make it through. For my sake, yes, but for your sake as well. I hope you've made it. Please. Continue working hard.
— You, from the past
hotandcoldsoup
Here it goes.
I'm wondering where you ended up now. Are you in the same profession? Are you going to go for higher studies? Either way, I hope you don't feel like you didn't work hard enough anymore. Like your efforts didn't bear the results you wanted and while everyone blames luck, you blame yourself. I hope you aren't feeling incompetent. I hope you are more confident now, more bold so no one has the audacity to make you feel like you're "unfit" for this world. I hope you didn't lose the parts that you liked about yourself. I hope you are able to live a little better with things that you hated about yourself. I hope that your success and respect has replaced the regret that I feel now. I hope it becomes a distant memory for you, one that you never have to hear or experience again.
