McCall

@i_love_penguins I'd love to, and i'm glad you didn't take it too harshly. I think it was great, just wanted to help you with future writing! :D

Thank you for your comments! And thanks for being honest. I was kinda sad that so much is wrong with it, but it was like a spur of the moment story so. Thhanks for the criticism! could you look at the other two stories and critque those? I would absolutley adore you!!!

Thanks Karikins! :D :D :D 

I was your first fan ;) Yeayuh!