iCupcake19

One would think that I'd run out of tears till now.. ha! Nope~
          Anyway... I'm going to bed.. I can't change anything anyway.. I wish thos wound would heal faster... 
          And to whoever feels similarly, hang in there you're not alone.! 
          Good night ~

I dont know if I miss him or the whole relationship and it's idea... I know I love him still.. 
          He said he wanted us to remain friends.. I don't freaking know how to turn my feelings into friendly ones though.. we were planning a future together, where we'd live and how many kids we'd want to have.. how can I be his friend..? I want him to be happy and well but I don't know how I can stand watching him realising our dreams with someone else..

I've written letters to him for a whole year... all my daily memories and thoughts and worries and love confessions and feelings.. everything that I'd like him to know.. I was supposed to give the notebook to him eventually... 
          Now the notebook stays in a drawer, and I can't even read it for myself... 

Even though the time together was the best I've ever had, and I've never felt so loved before.. some days I regret letting the whole story begin.. simply cause the pain is excruciating.. and I had to feal with his loss twice.. I found him just to lose him again.. I don't know.. I honestly don't know... 
          

And this feeling of wanting to forget everything but somehow hold onto it forever cause it basically feels attached to the deepest parts of your soul.. hate it.. I wish someone would make the decision to forget or hold on, for me.. some days im fine.. some others im angry at him for giving up..other times I completely understand the situation and I agree, wanting for him to be happy even if that means without me... for the most part I'd say I'm okay.. buy not really.. but still okay.. you get me?

I think one of the reasons I'm so into obsessive psychopathic characters in books is partly because I really want someone to never leave.. to be so obsessed with me that they can't imagine their world without me.. to ge ready to do crazy things for us...
          And it's sad cause for a while I had something like that.. but apparently it wasn't enough to overcome other issues... still though..but yeah.. 

Someone broke my heart, and now everything sucks and it's weird... and I think I need to vent somewhere..

I am writing ff and was really interested 
          After I saw your profile .....
          I was having some doubts and wanted to.ask some tips 
          I would really be grateful if you reply me 
          And if you can help me ........
          

^^ 

How do you guys feel about evil geniuses /criminal masterminds?