마마..

He finally admits that he abandoned me all these years.. 
          
          But how can it help me btw? Aku dh rosak bodo. 

Aku rasa la kan... 
          
          Aku memang kena kawen lah. 
          
          Tapi kawen utk sex je amende buto

Ko cakap ape ni sia

It's hurt to act like im okay when I'm actually not.. 

The fact I keep denied my love towards him but in the same time confessed that I love him several time and keep getting rejected, and I scared that if I keep loving him.. It would give him burden as how people around me thinks that I'm the burden in their life... 
          
          But God.. I still love him.. It's already 10 years.. But I still love him even I want to denied it. 

But I'm scared to loving him this much. Everyone that I loved will always had hard time with me and in the end the would left me... He seems to be someone who would left me too.. He's so hardworking yet so kind.. I can't hate him even if I forced myself to. 

God... I love him... Even if I denied my feelings, my body doesn't lie, my heart doesn't lie... I love him. I love him really... 

Imagine if i get married with a random person who seeing me as burden and birthing kids who thinks im a burden for them too. 

In my family, I'm a black sheep. 
          In my housemate, I'm the person who will be excluded in most outing activities. 
          With my friends, i not deserved any certain update because im not 'old' enough (fuck you im older than all of you) 
          With my classmate, im fucking nobody. 
          
          Is it still have place for me? 

Even OC kau cipta pun benci kau gila babi kau tau