마마..

That fandom might be the worst fandom I ever interacted with, I swear they're all losers

"Re-read the fandom etiquette"
          
          Oh how funny-
          
          Because for me the fandom etiquette was already inexistent after she was gone. 
          She was gone forever. 
          
          I can't even tell her how I feel grateful to her, adoring her, since the only one she saw is the people who disrespect her works. It was too late even for me. 
          
          People who asking her for something outside her comfort zones, when her arts is the only way she can heals herself. 
          
          People who created a hate train against her by twisting her words. 
          
          And these people, never understand how they literally killed someone and just said "served her right" even she already ask for forgiveness when she already in her breakdown again. She nearly killed herself again-
          
          Yet they can actually choose to block and not interacted with her at all but choose to bullying her restlessly. Even making a certain community just to bully her, spreading the continues hate train to people who knew nothing about her. 
          
          Congrats for killing someone, I guess. 

Terpaling woke sangat, memang babi je semua. Padahal dorang yg punca, pastu tuduh member tu racist. Babi geng2 woke ni, dh korang push dia sampai dia penat mental gitu ko ingat dia boleh tahan ke nyah?? Babi

He finally admits that he abandoned me all these years.. 
          
          But how can it help me btw? Aku dh rosak bodo. 

Aku rasa la kan... 
          
          Aku memang kena kawen lah. 
          
          Tapi kawen utk sex je amende buto

Ko cakap ape ni sia

It's hurt to act like im okay when I'm actually not.. 

The fact I keep denied my love towards him but in the same time confessed that I love him several time and keep getting rejected, and I scared that if I keep loving him.. It would give him burden as how people around me thinks that I'm the burden in their life... 
          
          But God.. I still love him.. It's already 10 years.. But I still love him even I want to denied it. 

But I'm scared to loving him this much. Everyone that I loved will always had hard time with me and in the end the would left me... He seems to be someone who would left me too.. He's so hardworking yet so kind.. I can't hate him even if I forced myself to. 

God... I love him... Even if I denied my feelings, my body doesn't lie, my heart doesn't lie... I love him. I love him really...