m

i've been reading my drafts as if they're someone else's work  
          
          i mean like it's great in a way that it means my works have been better cuz they've been making me feel... excited? like i didn't remember what i've written and im like excited of what's to come next and how the characters have been interacting >////< but also not in the way, as i have mentioned, how i've forgotten how they're supposed to go haha  so idk what were my original plans for them but i hope it somewhere near of what's im about to replace or if even, better than the original ones 

it's been a while... well, not really. i've visited this app a few times to read some stories made by other authors and i still think i'll be staying as a reader for a while. well, even if i'm on my writer suit, i can't finish those i have started or rather i get mentally blocked every time, and i just... sigh~  even in reading i'm having a hard time  sigh~ what a life. anyways, i'm just here to update this not-really-daily diary of mine. whoever reads this, hi ^^! 

please i'm not even done yet with writing the plot i had in mind yesterday and now i have a new plot in mind  this is why i don't get anything done. i always get a new plot in mind after another.  it's good and not good at the same time 

okay ill drop some from my drafts and please leave feedback. like, what i lack of? what should i put? is my writing okay? things like that.
          
          or you can comment down your feedback here
          
          thank you have a nice day!

(cont...)
          
          anyways i want to write with this plot but i have to try to remember the events— how it started... or think of a new one. also, feel inspired so there would be a small possibility of being "mentally blocked" which happens to me often. if i lose the feeling on the process... ._.
          
          later on... maybe a few minutes later? an hour?
          — now that everything sinks into me, now that i think about it... it's not that thick. it's just like those cliché stories. i even think i've read a story with a plot like that. it just feels like that because i was there to witness it. well, if i do write this plot. i'll just make my own version. like, my ship's version. if it does end up like other plots. as much as my barely half a brain cell can, i will try and make it different from others. FIGHTING HAEYADWAEEE!!!

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT (or maybe early this morning) AND THE PLOT WAS FRECKIN THICK LIKE THICK— THICK but there's a problem... i swear i also dreamt about how i got into that scene but i couldn't remember anything except that specific scene and chenle. I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHO WAS THERE (except chenle). even the ships (sigh~) all i could remember was chenle being beaten(?) up by his partner who has– idk anger management problems? i think it was either mark or jeno but i'm not sure. me and the other main character was the one who saw him trying to get up from the ground, his partner nowhere to be found. also, i don't know who i was in that dream. donghyuck? he's the first person that came to my mind since i'm sure he wasn't part of that couple who has problems with their partner but could also be the others that i haven't mentioned since I COULDN'T REMEMBER. the person who i came with... jisung? also has problems with his partner. THIS IS SO— WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER??? T_T i have this unclear memory which i'm not sure if right or not, but before that happened— what i mentioned above— they didn't know each other. like those cliché stories? they went to or knew each other in this one event. BRUH I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE T_T
          
          (cont...) i didn't know this has limited words like twt ._.

my drafts seriously  i like the ideas and plot but why. wHY. WHY EVERYTIME EVERY. FRECKIN. TIME. I GET MENTALLY BLOCKED??? 

seriously, a lot of drafts. im thinking of publishing them all even if it's unfinished. maybe, yall could tell something about it. what's wrong and what i could consider putting? just say something about it.
          
          im even having another plot in my mind rn and idk what's wrong with me why im not writing it down. maybe im just lazy. i have a lot of plot thoughts but sigh... i wanna bang my head on the wall so bad